Yoongi falls quiet again, taking that in, trying to let the words into his head and his heart as fully as he can. It's the same, he tells himself. It has to be. He wants to be there for Jungkook no matter what, too. There's no reason to doubt that Jungkook wants the same, and he doesn't. It's just that there's this little part of him, this voice, that says He wouldn't want that if he knew what it meant.
But that isn't fair to Jungkook, and somehow that makes it a little easier to fight back. The voice can be as mean as it wants to him, but he can't let it come after Jungkook, too.
"I know," he says finally. "That's what I want, too. To be there for you no matter what." If Jungkook doesn't think he's a burden, then he has to take that at face value, or at least try to. It's hard not to think that he just doesn't know better yet, the same way he always does, this idea in his head that, if any of them knew, they wouldn't want him anymore. It's a lonely thought, but he could handle lonely. It's the cruelty of it that he hates, the way it tries to undermine the only good things he has in his life, tries to sow doubt where none should exist. His friends are better than that. Sometimes he knows that.
He exhales slowly, tries to steady himself. It may feel like a burden to share, but that's what a relationship is, he tells himself, sharing the weight, handling it together. As tempting as it is to hide the darker parts of himself, he can't do that, not from Jungkook. "I just get... scared, I guess, sometimes. For no real reason. And sad."
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But that isn't fair to Jungkook, and somehow that makes it a little easier to fight back. The voice can be as mean as it wants to him, but he can't let it come after Jungkook, too.
"I know," he says finally. "That's what I want, too. To be there for you no matter what." If Jungkook doesn't think he's a burden, then he has to take that at face value, or at least try to. It's hard not to think that he just doesn't know better yet, the same way he always does, this idea in his head that, if any of them knew, they wouldn't want him anymore. It's a lonely thought, but he could handle lonely. It's the cruelty of it that he hates, the way it tries to undermine the only good things he has in his life, tries to sow doubt where none should exist. His friends are better than that. Sometimes he knows that.
He exhales slowly, tries to steady himself. It may feel like a burden to share, but that's what a relationship is, he tells himself, sharing the weight, handling it together. As tempting as it is to hide the darker parts of himself, he can't do that, not from Jungkook. "I just get... scared, I guess, sometimes. For no real reason. And sad."