There are so many feelings rolling through Yoongi right now, so many things that layer over each other in ways that don't really make sense. He is happy, and he remembers, too, even after he found out what Jungkook goes through, he's still been happy. This can't be that different. Except that it's more shameful than that. Jungkook can't help what happens to him, but Yoongi should be able to control his own thoughts. And underneath the shame and the hurt, there's relief. It's embarrassing to say these things out loud, but it's good, too, a small bit of his burden eased by being able to share it.

"I want to know," he says softly. "I'd rather worry than not know." Even if it burns him up inside, even if fury threatens to overwhelm him, he can handle that if it means Jungkook doesn't have to be alone. And it's not like he loves Jungkook more than he's loved in return. He meant what he said, how much he loves how much Jungkook cares. So maybe this isn't that different. Maybe it's okay.

Maybe he should stop being a coward and be a little more honest.

"Sometimes it's worse than that. Not for a while now, but. Sometimes." Like everything else, it comes and goes. Most days aren't really that bad, a kind of low ache he's grown used to running underneath everything or a feeling like he's watching everything at a remove. He can handle that, even if he hates it. He lifts Jungkook's hand in his, presses a kiss to the back of it. "This is a terrible reward. I'm sorry."