Hoseok wants to stop trembling, especially when Jungkook grabs his hands, Jungkook's warm and big and comforting, and Hoseok didn't realize his own were so cold until he has Jungkook's warmth wrapped around him. He wants to stop shaking, but he can't, not when Jungkook's being so calm and sweet and Hoseok feels guilt wrapping around his guts, pulling tight.
He's talked himself out of that feeling a few times since Jungkook and Yoongi got together. He's told himself that he didn't make Yoongi do anything he didn't want to, that the kisses (and anything else) they shared meant something to both of them, but Yoongi's heart already belonged to someone else. They did everything with that in mind. Hoseok had always been very careful to make sure to remind Yoongi he knew that.
And then Jungkook asks a question, the question, and Hoseok's heart clenches.
If he had time to think, if this was over text or maybe even over the phone and he had a moment to breathe before he responded, he'd probably make a joke. Of course I like Yoongi, he say. He's my best friend.. But Jungkook is right here, looking at his face, seeing all of his emotions before he even knows what they are. He can't lie, even though he doesn't know what he even really feels. He won't lie to Jungkook.
"I, I mean," he tries, and his hands are shaking more than ever now. "Maybe I had a crush," he manages, swallowing and trying to shake his thoughts into order. "I did before I knew about how he felt about you, and then after I knew I..." He shakes his head.
"I always wanted him to be with you, after I knew," he says, and that's a truth he doesn't have to search for. "He loves you, he wanted you so much," he goes on, his voice breaking just a little, because he remembers how Yoongi talked about Jungkook then, how Yoongi ached for him. "I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy for both of you," he says, even though he knows Jungkook already knows that. "It's just, it was barely anything, and it'll go away soon enough," he finishes, and the smile he offers is genuine, even if it's not as bright as he wants it to be.
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He's talked himself out of that feeling a few times since Jungkook and Yoongi got together. He's told himself that he didn't make Yoongi do anything he didn't want to, that the kisses (and anything else) they shared meant something to both of them, but Yoongi's heart already belonged to someone else. They did everything with that in mind. Hoseok had always been very careful to make sure to remind Yoongi he knew that.
And then Jungkook asks a question, the question, and Hoseok's heart clenches.
If he had time to think, if this was over text or maybe even over the phone and he had a moment to breathe before he responded, he'd probably make a joke. Of course I like Yoongi, he say. He's my best friend.. But Jungkook is right here, looking at his face, seeing all of his emotions before he even knows what they are. He can't lie, even though he doesn't know what he even really feels. He won't lie to Jungkook.
"I, I mean," he tries, and his hands are shaking more than ever now. "Maybe I had a crush," he manages, swallowing and trying to shake his thoughts into order. "I did before I knew about how he felt about you, and then after I knew I..." He shakes his head.
"I always wanted him to be with you, after I knew," he says, and that's a truth he doesn't have to search for. "He loves you, he wanted you so much," he goes on, his voice breaking just a little, because he remembers how Yoongi talked about Jungkook then, how Yoongi ached for him. "I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy for both of you," he says, even though he knows Jungkook already knows that. "It's just, it was barely anything, and it'll go away soon enough," he finishes, and the smile he offers is genuine, even if it's not as bright as he wants it to be.