"Yah," Jungkook says at once, squeezing Hoseok's hands back, his brows knit. "Hyung, do you really think that I'd worry about you doing anything to cause problems for me? You're my brother. You're the brother I should have had, not — not Yeongwook. Of course you'd never do anything to hurt me, not deliberately." The mention of his stepbrother comes out almost as a broken laugh, bitter and frustrated. How ridiculous it is to even try and imagine the difference in this conversation, were he speaking with Yeongwook. How much derision there'd be, or perhaps even worse — where the threat would be so much more than simply a risk of honest emotions spilling out.
But this conversation isn't about Yeongwook. It's not about anything that goes on between those four walls that Jungkook's supposed to think of as home. It's about the people who really matter.
It's about making sure everyone else is okay.
He pulls one hand away, briefly dropping his forehead against his palm, thinking. Jungkook finds himself clumsy with things like this, with trying to parse out emotions and dole out advice. Perhaps it's because that for so long, his own have felt too twisted, too troublesome to really bring to the light of day. What right does he really have to tell others how they should act when most of his advice would paint him as the hypocrite?
Only now is he finally starting to live his truth, but the whole reason for that is something he's inadvertently taken from Hoseok.
"I'm worried for you," Jungkook says with a heavy sigh. I hate that I've done anything to hurt you, he adds mentally, but refrains from saying. He can't imagine that Hoseok would stand to gain anything from knowing about Jungkook's guilt. "I want to be someone reliable you can talk to, hyung. And I don't want you to hide how you feel — when you're feeling sad, or when you're longing, or any of it. It's... it's so much to keep to yourself. It hurts too much to keep to yourself."
He glances up, eyes wide and bright. "I used to be afraid all the time, hyung. I didn't realize until I came out to Jimin hyung how much it was hurting me."
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But this conversation isn't about Yeongwook. It's not about anything that goes on between those four walls that Jungkook's supposed to think of as home. It's about the people who really matter.
It's about making sure everyone else is okay.
He pulls one hand away, briefly dropping his forehead against his palm, thinking. Jungkook finds himself clumsy with things like this, with trying to parse out emotions and dole out advice. Perhaps it's because that for so long, his own have felt too twisted, too troublesome to really bring to the light of day. What right does he really have to tell others how they should act when most of his advice would paint him as the hypocrite?
Only now is he finally starting to live his truth, but the whole reason for that is something he's inadvertently taken from Hoseok.
"I'm worried for you," Jungkook says with a heavy sigh. I hate that I've done anything to hurt you, he adds mentally, but refrains from saying. He can't imagine that Hoseok would stand to gain anything from knowing about Jungkook's guilt. "I want to be someone reliable you can talk to, hyung. And I don't want you to hide how you feel — when you're feeling sad, or when you're longing, or any of it. It's... it's so much to keep to yourself. It hurts too much to keep to yourself."
He glances up, eyes wide and bright. "I used to be afraid all the time, hyung. I didn't realize until I came out to Jimin hyung how much it was hurting me."