𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕖

[lovestrippedbare]

Ever since starting high school, Jungkook finds himself constantly searching for more opportunities to escape the house after class. He doesn't hate being home — he couldn't, when his mother is always there to welcome him with an embrace for her youngest, the only son she's had since birth. But there are times when returning to his home feels suffocating. When his stepfather's eyes watch too closely, looking for any trace of a misstep. When his stepbrother's feet always seem to be in the wrong place, jutting out enough to send him stumbling down the stairs, or tripping into a wall.

Home is a place where he needs to tread carefully, where the line between a safe haven and bruising can be so hard to spot.

Jungkook takes his time gathering his books and workbooks, carefully slipping them into his backpack, making sure none of the pages crease. From one of his ears hangs an earbud, playing quiet piano melodies. The music is his shield as he pads quietly through the house, rummaging through the fridge and pantry, pulling out ingredients that shouldn't be missed. He's not taking any of the nice meat. It isn't that Jungkook doesn't want to bring the best for Hoseok, but there's only so much he feels that he can take when he doesn't contribute to the household income.

And he would never want to leave his parents with the impression that any of his friends are leeching off their generosity.

"Mom," he murmurs, peeking his head into the living room. Finding her seated alone on the recliner, Jungkook bounds forward with a brighter smile, quickly pressing a kiss to her cheek, skin soft and warm.

"Aigoo," she breathes, brightening immediately. Subconsciously, Jungkook raises the collar of his shirt higher over his neck, hiding a small bruise from where his hyung hit his collarbone. His mother's hands slide over either cheek, pushing them together. "Jungkook-ah, you finally have time for your mother?"

His chest squeezes. "I always have time for mom," he replies, stomach twisting with guilt. "But I was planning to have dinner at Hoseokie hyung's tonight. He's going to help me with my studies. I'm just bringing a few things for budae jjigae." Jungkook raises his hand, the plastic bag rustling.

Mother's lips freeze for a moment, then soften again into that same smile. "Ah, I see. Yes, Hoseok is so good to our Jungkook, helping you with your homework even when he's juggling a job with his own studies. Go, go. Say hello to him for me, and take some of the extra banchan in the fridge."

Jungkook quickly presses another kiss to his mother's cheek. There are more wrinkles there now, he thinks, than there were a couple of years ago. "I will. He loves your banchan, mom. He always says he can't thank you enough."

"Don't be ridiculous," she chuckles, patting his shoulder. "Go. Be back before it's too dark."

It's not a promise that will be easy to keep, Jungkook thinks to himself, frowning at the way the sun's already dipping below the horizon when he arrives at Hoseok's doorstep. But perhaps her words were more sentiment than true suggestion. He's not sure how much he'll really be missed, even if he returns after everyone else has gone to bed.

"Hyung," he calls softly to avoid disturbing the neighbors, his knuckles rapping gently on the door. "Hyung, it's Jungkook."

Comments

[venomambition]

Hoseok's waiting for Jungkook's arrival, but even if he wasn't he'd be able to hear the soft rap at the door. His apartment is small to say the least, his bed only half a dozen steps from the kitchen or the bathroom. It's more than big enough for him on his own, of course, even too big a lot of the time, the ringing silence making the space feel ten times larger. His cupboards are literally bare of food aside from microwave rice, and he's taken down two servings, has them sitting next to the microwave for when the rest of the food is ready.

He opens the door to Jungkook with a wide smile, genuinely so happy to see his sweet dongsaeng. From some of the things Jungkook's said he knows Jungkook's home life isn't perfect, but if nothing else Jungkook's mother has raised him to be a very polite, thoughtful boy. Hoseok just hopes the other harsh realities Jungkook is facing and will face in his future won't ruin his kind, beautiful heart.

"Jungkookie! Welcome," he says, beaming brightly as he ushers Jungkook inside, locking the door behind them. He takes the plastic bag from Jungkook's hands and places it on the rickety kitchen table as Jungkook removes his shoes, then takes Jungkook's coat and hangs it on one of the hooks next to the door.

"I hope I have all the right pans," he says, when he turns around, grinning a little sheepishly. "I don't really cook very often," he admits with an embarrassed chuckle.

[lovestrippedbare]

Even if he's never discussed the matter at length with his hyung, Jungkook has been to enough of his friends' residences that he understands that Hoseok's place is small and somewhat barren compared to most. Still, Jungkook has never found the place to be lacking when he visits. Hoseok's kindness seems to fill this place up with warmth and sunshine, and it draws Jungkook in easily, his own smile widening to match his hyung's. Spending time with Hoseok tonight seems far better than the alternative of sitting stiffly at home, trying not to draw his father's attention.

"Hyung, thanks for having me over," Jungkook grins, carefully taking off his shoes and laying them neatly by the entrance, not wanting to dirty the apartment. "Ah, I'm so glad to get out of my room, this is great." He wanders into the kitchen area, shrugging off his backpack to set on a chair while he glances around, assessing the best way for them to prepare their dish.

"Eh, budae jjigae doesn't require anything specific, as long as you've got a stove and something large to hold everything," Jungkook points out, opening the cupboard where he remembers Hoseok's largest pans being from a previous visit. "I'm sure you're better than me at this stuff; I never go into the kitchen to make anything other than ramyeon. But I downloaded a video to make sure we don't screw anything up."

Unearthing a large soup pot, Jungkook places it gently on the stove, then digs around in the plastic bag for the sausages and spam. "All the meat's precooked anyway, so I don't think we can really screw this up."

[venomambition]

"You know you're welcome any time," Hoseok says as he trails Jungkook toward the small kitchen. "As long as your mom doesn't mind."

He doesn't usually worry too much about his friends' parents, but Jungkook's mother is particularly sweet, especially to Hoseok, and he always does what he can to make sure he always comes across as polite and considerate. She's the kind of mother he used to fantasize he might have some day when he was still in the orphanage as a child, kind and caring and supportive. He's so glad Jungkook has her, someone who takes care of him, who loves him as much as he deserves.

Hoseok stands back and watches Jungkook root around in his cabinets and he feels a fond warmth fill his chest. Sometimes spending time with Jungkook makes Hoseok wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a brother. Jungkook is so cute and enthusiastic and good to him, treats him like someone he admires, who's company he enjoys. He wishes he could be Jungkook's brother instead of the step-brother jungkook has, someone who cherishes Jungkook and takes care of him, encourages him, gets excited for his successes and comforts him when he fails.

He supposes he's done that some, as much as he can. He has these dreams of what it would have been like if it could have somehow just been Jungkook and his mother and Hoseok, a family, but he knows how hard it is for a single mother, and he wouldn't wish that on Jungkook's mother for anything.

"I don't cook anything complicated," Hoseok says as Jungkook starts putting ingredients into the pot. "I can cook chicken, I guess. Pork. But not beef. I let Jin-hyung do that," he adds with a laugh. "I'm sure this is going to be great. I'm so excited," he says, walking up closer so he can watch Jungkook fill the pot. "What can I do?"

[lovestrippedbare]

"Aish, you know how much mom likes you. She's always telling me to make sure I can 'grow up tall and strong, like that Hoseok,'" Jungkook says, briefly affecting his mother's voice, soft and pitched with fondness. It isn't every one of Jungkook's friends that his mother adores so much — he's pretty sure that she has some major reservations about Taehyung, probably as a result of the time that Jungkook let slip that Taehyung likes to paint graffiti on abandoned walls. But Hoseok, his mother likes. He's polite, he smiles freely, he works hard and manages to be fairly independent.

There's something quieter in her affection too. Jungkook wonders if there's a part of his mother that wants to fill in that void, to be there where Hoseok's own wasn't. The type of affection that stems from the ache of a mother who sees a child without.

He doesn't mention that, of course. Even if Hoseok were to have parents, Jungkook can't imagine that his hyung would be any less caring, or that his mother would take to him any less.

"Yah, hyung, you know what I can cook?" Jungkook asks, turning to him with a smile bitten behind a suppressed laugh. "Toast. I'm really good at toast. Jam toast, cheese toast, butter toast..." He snickers to himself as he reaches into the bag and pulls out all the ingredients, laying them out on the counter.

"All we need to do is chop some of this up. Like the tofu, the sausages, the ddeok. Why don't you do the ddeok and tofu? I'm really bad at cutting when the tofu block's still in the box; the pieces never look even."

[venomambition]

Hoseok smiles at Jungkook's impersonation of his mother, and he's sure the woman probably hasn't used that exact phrase with Jungkook, but it wouldn't surprise him if she'd said something at least similar before.

It was a shock to Hoseok the first time Jungkook ever invited him over, when Hoseok made sure his mother knew that Hoseok didn't have parents, wanting to certain the truth didn't come to after he'd had the nerve to come into another family's home without informing them (an experience he'd had only once and had vowed to never, ever repeat). It was shocking to be invited, to learn Jungkook's mother knew about his living situation and still wanted him to eat with her family. He'd made sure to be his most polite, to keep his voice down, to follow ever formal rule to the absolute letter.

He's visited several times by now – most often when Jungkook's step-father is out, but not always – and he's learned to be more himself now. He's still careful about his etiquette, but now it has more to do with showing his respect for Jungkook and his mother, his gratitude for their hospitality.

"I like your mom too," he says softly, sincerely. "Please make sure you say thank you to her again, for sharing some of your food with me." He reaches up to ruffle Jungkook's hair affectionately. "Thank you to you, too, Jungkookie. For coming to spend your dinner with your lonely hyung."

He really is grateful. He never imagined as a child that he'd have friends like the ones he does now, so giving and kind and accepting of him, so caring and thoughtful. He can't imagine what his life will be like when they all move on, and he doesn't want to, refuses to think about it.

"They have to look even?" Hoseok asks as he takes the tofu package, sloshing the block around in the liquid its packed in. He takes a knife and slices through the thin plastic on top, draining the liquid carefully into the sink. "Do we have to press it first?"

[lovestrippedbare]

Jungkook recognizes the longing in Hoseok's voice. It's not unlike the way he feels himself at times, stumbling after his stepfather and stepbrother. Wanting them to be there, for them to accept him as part of their family. Maybe he doesn't have the right to ache in this way, when at the very least his home is rarely empty when he returns after class — but sometimes, Jungkook thinks that the burden of their contempt can be worse than a void.

He wishes for their love, and he can hear that same desire in Hoseok's voice. It's why Jungkook never begrudges Hoseok the opportunity to connect with his mother. His mother is the sun around which the whole family revolves, the only person who keeps them together. Why would he ever keep her from anyone else?

"I'll pass on your thanks. Mom really is great, huh?" Jungkook smiles, happy as always to boast about her, this wonderful mother that he's done little to deserve. He breaks briefly from the spread of ingredients, tottering on his feet until he's by Hoseok's side, and extends both arms to wrap Hoseok in a hug. He rests his chin on Hoseok's shoulder. As often as he tries to tiptoe around the issue, sometimes loneliness should be acknowledged. "You don't have to be lonely, okay hyung? You don't have to be alone."

He wrinkles his nose as his hair is ruffled, then returns to the sausages with a little dance of his shoulders. "Ah, no need to press the tofu, I... think? And they don't have to look really even. I was really pointing out that the stuff always crumbles when I try to cut it. I should probably get some knife lessons from Jin hyung."

[venomambition]

"She's so great," Hoseok agrees, smiling warmly at Jungkook. "The greatest." And Jungkook knows, because he's always talking about his mom, telling the others the wonderful things she does for him, mentioning when she's asking after his friends. Of all the moms Hoseok knows, Jungkook's is the best.

He doesn't expect Jungkook to hug him, but as soon as Jungkook's arms wrap around him he stops messing with the tofu, adjusting so he can get his arms around Jungkook's middle to hug him back. He indulges in the embrace for a few seconds, squeezing Jungkook in his arms. He should stop daydreaming like this, but sometimes he wishes Jungkook was his brother so much. He'd be a good big brother, doting and caring and supportive. It's not fair that he never got the chance to try.

"Thank you, Jungkookie," he says, pressing his face against the side of Jungkook's head, pressing an affectionate kiss to Jungkook's hair before easing himself out of Jungkook's arms. "It means a lot to me," he goes on as he picks up the knife again. "All of that. And having you here tonight."

He wants to say more, tell Jungkook how grateful he is to have him in his life, how it makes him feel needed and less afraid of being left alone, but saying what he already has is making him cringe a little. It's always hard to express those sorts of emotions, as important as they are.

He gives Jungkook a grateful smile as he goes back to work, removing the tofu from the package and placing it on the cutting board. He slices the block in half, and then each section in half again. "How big should I make the pieces?" he asks and he splits all the pieces again. "Jin-hyung is so good at this stuff. I could use some lessons too."

[lovestrippedbare]

Jungkook wrinkles his nose at the kiss, even though his smile gives away how much he actually loves the attention. It's crossed his mind before, how much he aches and wishes his hyungs were truly a part of his family — that there were threads that would anchor them to him in indelible ways. Not that he's ever needed an excuse to hold them close. Not that they've ever made it hard to love them.

But wouldn't it be nice, having that security?

The daydream passes as quickly as it comes, as Hoseok pulls out of Jungkook's embrace. A smile lingers on Jungkook's lips as he turns back to the rows of sausages, grabbing a knife to carefully saw through each. On a whim, he takes a couple of the ends and pokes them strategically with the blade, carving out a face and slits that will curl up once they hit the heat, like the legs of an octopus.

His mom used to pack him cute lunches like that, back when he was in middle school. The thought that Hoseok probably never had such an experience briefly pulls at Jungkook's chest.

"Mmm, as long as they're small enough to fit in our mouth, it should be fine, right? Or does that mean the flavor won't soak in as much?" Jungkook wonders aloud. "Jin hyung mentioned that he would be down for some cooking lessons, like jjim dalk or hotteok. He made it sound like he wanted us to do that as a group anyway, but I can let him know that you're interested! He's always looking for excuses to watch out over you, anyway."

[venomambition]

They work in silence for a few minutes, standing side by side in Hoseok's tiny kitchen, close enough that they could bump elbows if they weren't trying so hard not to. Hoseok wonders if Jungkook does this at home with his mom, if he helps her cook dinner for their family, just cuttings things and stirring pots and keeping her company. Hoseok doesn't like cooking because it means standing in here alone, making food for just him, which makes him feel lonely and depressed. If he had someone to share it with, though, he thinks he might really enjoy it.

It's not something he thinks about very often. He doesn't want to get his hopes up for something that isn't going to happen.

But this is nice, having Jungkook here tonight, and he's going to savor it.

"I'm not sure how that works," Hoseok admits as he finishes cutting up the tofu into 3cm cubes, trying to keep them as uniform as possible. "I only cook at all because I can't eat ramyeon for every meal," he adds with a laugh. He doesn't miss the orphanage, he really doesn't, but he sometimes misses the food. And not having to eat alone, even if all he was doing was sitting in a room full of people and not talking.

"Learning would be fun," he says after he moves to add the tofu to the pot. "Doing it all together, I mean. But only if he still wants to do it. I don't want to put him out or anything."

[lovestrippedbare]

The sausages are sliced before long, and Jungkook carefully makes his way around Hoseok to the sink — if he bumps his hip against Hoseok's butt in the process, well, it's just a little bit of brotherly affection. Nights like these, when Hoseok seems to enjoy the quiet company, are also moments when Jungkook wants to remind his hyung to laugh and enjoy himself.

He wishes it were easier to sneak away from his home, spend more evenings with Hoseok like this. It's hard to slip out from the discerning watch of his stepfather. His grades are already starting to slip compared to middle school, and even though Jungkook wants to believe that it's just a consequence of competition heightening as everyone approaches exams, it correlates too well with the time spent with his hyungs.

Even though he knows, really, his hyungs are the ones who keep him afloat.

With the pot half full of water, Jungkook carefully walks it back to the stove, turns the flame on high. "Ah, then I should have recommended something other than budae jjigae," Jungkook laughs, pointing out the ramyeon packets in the bag, which are such an important part of the dish. "I'm only good at making the instant stuff, though, so we should definitely ask Jin hyung for help. Or we can watch YouTube videos together! Those are really good for learning, right? And then we can surprise Jin hyung sometime, or the others."