lovestrippedbare | 𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠

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yoongi

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The phone slips gently from Jungkook's hand, coming to a rest on rumpled sheets as he picks himself up, sliding his legs out of bed. It's hard to remember exactly what he's done over the past couple of days, ever since he returned home from dance practice. Distantly, Jungkook remembers meals. Remembers a slight sheen of sweat over the back of his neck, palms clammy as he sat in front of his parents, in front of Yeongwook, exchanging pleasantries over a family dinner. What he doesn't remember are the more important details — what his father's gaze looked like, whether or not there was any ire. Whether or not anyone noticed, aside from his hyung, how preoccupied Jungkook's been.

He's kept himself busy mostly with small chores around the house, keeping everything clean as a good start to the new year. When he runs out of things to do, Jungkook sleeps. It's the easiest way to pass the time, Jungkook eager to while the hours away until it's reasonable to leave the house again, to see anyone who demands more than his cursory attention.

That the phone rings with Yoongi's tone is both a blessing and a curse. There's no one Jungkook wants to see more, and yet Jungkook also fears what might happen if Yoongi might see him. If a glance will immediately reveal what's wrong. It's not that Jungkook wants to hide anything. He's just tired.

Doesn't want to think about it when there's nothing to be done.

It's been weeks since Jungkook's previous bruises healed, but he detours to the bathroom nonetheless, locking the door before lifting the hem of his shirt to examine his skin in the mirror. Mottled pink and purple stretching across his ribs and abdomen, still fresh and almost pretty, Jungkook thinks in spite of himself. The pattern is different than the one his father usually leaves; Jungkook isn't sure whether or not Yoongi will be able to tell the difference.

Maybe he'll be lucky, Jungkook tells himself, and things will stay out of sight. They're only going shopping, after all. There are a million reasons Jungkook can give for needing to stay at home for dinner, and he's pretty sure Yoongi would understand every one, never holding them against Jungkook. They both know that any obstacles aren't of their own making. Not for the next two years, at least.

He spends the entire walk to Yoongi's house forming excuses and explanations, winding little paths that barely stay within the range of truth, carefully avoiding any direct lie. An unfocused gaze trails lazily after the way his breath fogs in the air, Jungkook's steps keeping him to the side of the path and out of the way of other passersby. By the time he reaches Yoongi's house, Jungkook has decided that the simplest explanation is the best — that his mom asked for him to stay home for dinner today, that he should be there because his dad and brother will both be, and he doesn't like being the only person absent from the roster.

The excuses fly out of his mind seconds later, as soon as Yoongi's door opens, Jungkook's shoulders just a little too tense, his brow a touch too tightly knit. Hands stuffed in his pockets, when he'd rather reach out with them, wrap his arms around Yoongi and hold on until everything else melts away.

"Hey," Jungkook says instead, his smile on the cusp of reaching his eyes.

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At first, Yoongi thought that was all he needed, to make Jungkook happy. Now, though, he knows differently. Now he knows he also needs desperately to keep him safe. As long as he can't, he knows, he'll always feel a little lacking. When Jungkook looks at him like this, though, when he says how happy he is, it gets a little easier for Yoongi to push back the doubt. For now, he tells himself, it's alright. As long as they're here together, nothing can touch them.

The soft press of lips against his coaxes a smile out of Yoongi and he leans forward to rest his forehead against Jungkook's. "Good," he whispers, shifting his hand down to rest against Jungkook's back, tracing soft lines up and down. Maybe he can't fix everything the way he wants to, but here and now, they're safe and happy. He can give Jungkook that. That's enough. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

He wonders if it should be frightening, to be so wholly consumed by someone else, to belong so completely to someone. Instead he finds it comforting. His life isn't only his own now. He has someone to share it with, keeping the loneliness at bay, making him happier than he's been in years. It feels like he has meaning now and purpose. If he can spend his life like this, he'll be unbelievably lucky.

Most of the time, there isn't a need for many words between the two of them. Maybe it would have helped in the beginning, Jungkook thinks now, if they were the type to express more in words. Maybe if they had, it wouldn't have taken them so long to come together, to give themselves to each other — wouldn't have taken so long to cross the line between friends and more. But for all else, it's nice that so much can be said without putting it into words. Jungkook sees the devotion in Yoongi's eyes, sees the flicker of something like fire in them, determination to shape the world in the exact way Jungkook needs.

Here, with the two of them tangled up together like this, forehead to forehead, Jungkook feels so achingly safe. For a few seconds, he closes his eyes, focusing only on the way they share breath and the warmth that emanates from Yoongi's body.

"I know. But all I need is for you to be at my side. Everything else is — we'll figure it out together," Jungkook murmurs, his chest feeling tight, his stomach flipping almost as much as it did the first time they kissed. He keeps falling for Yoongi. HE's not sure he'll ever stop falling. "I'm yours. I'm so... fucking yours that it should scare me, but it doesn't. You know?"

"Yeah," Yoongi say, a soft exhale, lips quirking into a small smile. "I was thinking that, too. That maybe I should be, but... I'm not. I'm happy." Even today, fear just barely behind him, he's so exquisitely happy, he doesn't know how to put it into words. Maybe he has more to worry about now, but it's different. The anxiety of the time before Jungkook was meaningless, senseless; now it comes from having someone he loves more than life itself. It feels like a fair trade.

He closes his eyes, too, quiet for a moment. "So fucking happy. And safe. It's not scary, it's just safe." That's why it doesn't frighten him, he thinks — because it's Jungkook. Because he knows he's so deeply loved, he has nothing to worry about. Jungkook won't ever hurt or leave him. It's like he's just said. As long as they're at each other's side, they can figure everything else out together. For the first time in a long time, there's solid ground under his feet again.

When Jungkook opens his eyes, he finds that Yoongi's closed his. The expression isn't too far from how Yoongi looks in sleep — but more content, perhaps. More serene. Jungkook wonders what Yoongi dreams about at night — if he, like Jungkook, sometimes finds his thoughts careening uncontrollably toward the darkness. He knows that there are times, even when wrapped in each other's arms, that they suddenly wake in the twilight hours. When their breaths catch, the rhythm slightly too quick.

How Jungkook wishes he could chase those nightmares off, so that Yoongi would always look like this.

Wordlessly, he shifts forward, stretching his chin up until he's able to press a kiss to Yoongi's forehead, lips lingering there for a couple extended moments.

His next presses against the point of Yoongi's nose.

Then against the bow of his lips.

"I wanna take pictures of you sometime," Jungkook murmurs softly. "I mean, I've already sneaked a couple, but... when the days are brighter, when spring's creeping up. I want to take pictures of you under the shining sun."

Yoongi huffs out a soft laugh, lifting his hand to Jungkook's cheek again. "Yeah, I know you have," he says wryly. There are, he's sure, more than he's aware of, but he's caught Jungkook on more than one occasion with his phone aimed Yoongi's way or with a picture posted to Twitter before he's entirely awake. He doesn't really mind, though. If anything, it's flattering, the thought that his boyfriend is every bit as entranced with him as he is with Jungkook, that he wants both to keep him and to share him, to always have something to turn to and to show everyone what they're missing.

Mostly, though, he likes the thought of the ones Jungkook keeps for himself, the way he keeps that little audio clips Jungkook made for him a while back. The way he sometimes falls asleep to a loop of Jungkook saying I love you. It makes the nights they're apart a little less lonely.

"Any time." He dips his head forward, nose brushing against nose. "You can take all the pictures you want." Fingertips tracing gently along his jaw, Yoongi tilts his head to kiss Jungkook, eyes falling shut again. Posing for a few pictures is easy. He's not sure he's much of a model, but he doesn't think that's the point anyway. Jungkook doesn't need to make art. He wants pictures of him as he really is.

Jungkook can't even bring himself to look sheepish when Yoongi points out that he's very aware of the fact that Jungkook sneaks pictures. Maybe Yoongi would feel less welcoming if he knew just how often Jungkook does it — how at least half of the pictures in Jungkook's phone are of Yoongi, ranging from poorly lit pictures of him dozing off to the blurry expanse of his shoulders, caught while they're on one of their walks. It's all the little moments that Jungkook finds himself greedy to capture, the moments that he knows himself to usually take for granted.

The everyday existence that will be fuzzy to him in a year or two.

Having permission to continue taking such pictures is a relief; Jungkook wonders if he'll be more forward with it now, grab candids whenever the mood strikes.

For now, he closes his eyes to the feel of fingers tracing down the line of his jaw, and purses his lips just enough to capture the press of Yoongi's. He sighs through his nose, heartbeat already quickening as he returns Yoongi's kiss.

"I love you," he breathes, fingertips skating down Yoongi's sternum, catching on the fabric of his shirt.

No matter how many times he hears those words, they still send a thrill through Yoongi, like every part of him lights up with gentle delight. Jungkook loves him. He is loved, loved by someone as wonderful as Jungkook, loved by the person he loves more than anyone else in all the world. How could anyone ever get tired of that?

"I love you," he echoes, smiling, leaning forward for another kiss, soft and sweet and nearly chaste. It's nice just to kiss him, just to be here. He felt so horrible not that long ago; it's a relief to feel at ease again, relaxed and warm and loved. More than that, it's a relief to know Jungkook feels that way. His fingers trace down along the curve of Jungkook's neck and back up again, mapping out his jaw, his cheek, carding through his hair, slow and steady.

Jungkook could spend hours like this, he's pretty sure, with his limbs gently tangled in Yoongi's own, their lips parting in time, each touch soft and yielding. Yoongi's love is communicated with every sense — the soft brush of fingers, the tempo of his breaths, the taste of his lips, dark eyes under fanned lashes. Nothing more needs to be said, but still the words fall from Jungkook's lips at every pause.

"I love you."

Just because he can.

"I love you, Min-ah."

Every day, it's harder to remember what life was like before this — how his heart ached with anything more than the simple yearning for Yoongi's arms.

Jungkook sighs, ducking down to inhale against Yoongi's shirt, eyes lazily blinking open.

"I should have come here right away," he murmurs.

Yoongi folds his arms around Jungkook, fingers brushing through his hair, and tilts forward to kiss the top of his head. "You're here now," he says quietly. "That's what matters." He's not sure how long Jungkook waited to tell him, and the thought of that makes him a little uneasy, but it's not like he doesn't understand. It's fucking terrifying to share the darkest parts of himself with someone else, even someone he loves as much as he does Jungkook. He has to imagine it's just as difficult for Jungkook to talk about what's going on at home.

And he doesn't make it much easier, he thinks. He gets angry or frightened, pushes Jungkook into a position to have to take care of him, and that's probably not fair of him. It's hard to react in as calm and measured a manner as he wishes he had when it hurts so goddamn much to know Jungkook is hurting. He's not sure he could ever be placid about that. He wouldn't want to be.

They're here together now and that's the important thing. Jungkook is safe and, Yoongi is pretty sure, happy in spite of everything. Little else matters. Still, Yoongi hesitates a moment before he speaks. "You can talk to me, you know," he says. "When stuff like this happens. I told you, I want to know. I want to be here for you. Let me."

All that matters is that Jungkook's here now. It's a sentiment that he can believe, nestled in the folds of Yoongi's shirt as he is, breathing in his scent, wrapped in the warmth of his arms. Even without any words between them, Jungkook finds himself calmed by Yoongi's sheer presence, steady and gentle. There's a sense of security that Jungkook doesn't think he'll ever be able to give up now; as long as he can return here, as long as he's able to find his way back to Yoongi's embrace, everything will always be okay.

"I know that I can tell you these things," Jungkook says after a pause, his voice slightly rough; his throat feels tight. "I know that you want to be here for me, and I want — I want you to be there, I always feel better once I'm here. I just. Sometimes right after it happens, I can't..."

He takes a deep breath, blinking a few times. "Sometimes right after it happens, I can't really make myself do anything. I can't make myself get up. All I can think about is how I should be stronger, but it's like I'm just hollow. I don't know how to explain it."

A chill tugs at Yoongi's spine, sharp and dizzying, and he hugs Jungkook tighter. "You don't have to," he murmurs. "I know." He knows that feeling too fucking well, and the last thing he wants is for Jungkook to have to understand it. It's not like it doesn't make sense that he would, but he shouldn't have to. It's bad enough Yoongi has to deal with it. Jungkook deserves better. It's not like he's weak for being unable to fight back. Things aren't that simple, no matter how much Yoongi would like them to be.

"It's okay," he adds slowly, picking his words carefully, trying to imagine what would help him. "If you can't. It's okay. But you'd want me to call when I feel that way, right? Even if you can't make it go away."

It is, he thinks, one of the things that awes him most. He's been doing so well since they started dating, but he knows a day will come when the darkness threatens him again, that there have been nights when it's still been hard to push back. And when that happens, he knows Jungkook will be there beside him through all of it, no matter how much it hurts. It's a kind of strength Yoongi desperately hopes he has, too.

"But if you can't, it's okay."

The tighter hold makes Jungkook's chest ache, heat prickling at his cheeks and at the corners of his eyes; he tries to blink it away, but it's a fine line to walk. The moment any tears slide down his cheeks, Jungkook knows it'll be over — knows that his emotions will only continue to overflow. He doesn't want that right now. He wants to cling onto the happiness that still lies underneath all the grief, wants to focus on the warmth and security of being here.

But should he be fighting like this? It's not always clear.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd want you to call... I'd always want you to call," Jungkook agrees, his voice slightly wet as he lifts his arms and wraps them around Yoongi, pulling him close. "I always want to know if you're hurting. Even if there's nothing I can do other than be there, I want to know."

He squeezes his eyes shut, nodding almost imperceptibly against Yoongi's shirt. "I'll let you know. I'll let you know whenever something happens," he promises. "If I can't call, I'll text. I'll let you know."

Yoongi presses kisses to the top of Jungkook's head, eyes closed, like somehow that can block out everything that threatens their happiness. "Okay," he murmurs. "And I mean it, if you can't, I understand. But... thank you." He doesn't want Jungkook to add an obligation to him to his list of things to feel bad about, but it helps, Yoongi thinks, to feel that, too. To feel that someone is owed the truth, rather than it being a burden to share. It makes him feel a little more at ease, at least, with the idea of telling Jungkook than he might otherwise have been.

Lifting a hand to run through Jungkook's hair, he sighs. "I love you. I love you. So much." It's not easy to let someone else in, even someone he loves as much as Jungkook, and he knows it won't be easy for Jungkook either. The fact that he's willing to try is enough. "We'll get through everything together. Remember that."

He's so used to trying to push through his problems alone. Learning to be part of a team takes work. In the end, though, he knows, it'll be worth it. They'll lift each other up again.

Maybe it's better this way, Jungkook tells himself, letting himself get lost in the press of lips against his hair. Maybe it's better that he learn how to share these details with Yoongi — maybe doing so will help erase the sense of shame, or maybe doing so will at least reduce how jarring the thought is. If he shares every incident with Yoongi, maybe Yoongi will come to believe Jungkook when he says that it's not so bad, that he can deal with the physical blows. It's never about the physical pain. It's all about learning where he can step without tripping mines. It's all about breaking past the feeling that he's too weak for never having lifted a finger.

All in all, it's really not that bad. Jungkook just needs to survive.

And it's so much easier now to want to.

"I love you, Yoongi-ah," Jungkook murmurs, muffled against Yoongi's shirt. "I know that we'll get through this. And everything else. We have to. There's so much that's waiting for us. We're going to be happy."

Jungkook nuzzles his face against Yoongi's chest, smiling as he inhales deeply. "You smell so nice," he remarks, the tone of his voice almost a whine.

Yoongi laughs, soft and relieved, grateful to hear the shift in Jungkook's voice. A little at a time, he's realizing, this can't just be about making Jungkook happy. There's more to this relationship than that, if only because it's utterly impossible for them to both be happy all the time. He can barely manage happiness for himself. It's got to be about being together through all of it anyway. But that doesn't make him any less pleased to hear the way Jungkook whines, sweet and light.

"So do you," he says, nose buried against Jungkook's hair. "And we are happy. We'll just be happier." What they'll really be, he thinks, is free. If they can hold out just a couple more years, they'll be free, safe from abuse and neglect, safe in each other's arms the way they're supposed to be. Until then, they have each other to lean on to get through it.

A hand still in Jungkook's hair, he rubs circles against his back with the other, breathing him in. "We will get through it. No matter what. You have me, always."

"Mmm, that's true. We're pretty happy, aren't we?" Jungkook murmurs, smiling against Yoongi's shirt. Sometimes it's hard to remember how to look at the broad strokes of life, to think on how many more bright days there are now than there used to be. There's really no comparison. Now, Jungkook knows that there's a safe haven waiting for him whenever he needs, a person who will always love him, a person who will always want him. There are times when he wonders, distantly, if they'll run into the same fights that every other couple seems to. Somehow, Jungkook can't imagine it.

They've been through too much in the course of finding one another; Jungkook doesn't think they'll ever take each other for granted. They'll always want each other. Always have each other.

His smile only widens further at the thought, and Jungkook nudges himself forward even more, almost coaxing Yoongi onto his back. "No, you don't understand," Jungkook whines through a laugh. "You smell so good. How is anyone allowed to smell this nice? I just want to eat you up."

Letting Jungkook nudge him onto his back, Yoongi laughs. "I'll let you do whatever you want to me," he says, "but I draw the line at being eaten. Come here." He wraps his arms more firmly around Jungkook, pulling him close, enjoying the warm weight on top of him and the laughter in Jungkook's voice. After the solemnity of earlier and the way he sounded near tears just moments ago, it's such a relief to hear. This is what he wants, Yoongi realizes. This is the goal. Not just to be happy, but to bring happiness back when it flickers and fades, when the world around them threatens to put out the spark.

"I'd give you my soap and shampoo," he adds, "but I like the way you smell already." He barely even wears the pajamas Jungkook gave him, not wanting them to smell too much of himself. He just keeps them close on the night when Jungkook isn't here and he has trouble sleeping. Even his other pillow is starting to smell of Jungkook.

Running his hands over Jungkook's side and up along his back, he sighs, quietly content.

When Yoongi beckons, Jungkook easily throws his leg over to straddle him on both sides, carefully lowering his weight until they're pressed hip to hip. The heel of his palm sinks a touch into the bed, helping to keep Jungkook propped high, his expression softening as soon as he gets a better look at Yoongi's face. His lips press together in a small smile as his free hand skates over Yoongi's skin, fingertips gently nudging his hair to the side, running along the line of his jaw. There have been a couple of times when Yoongi's sent him pictures from this angle; maybe that's part of why Jungkook loves being in this position as much as he does.

The real thing is so much better.

"I don't think it's your soap and shampoo I'm attracted to," Jungkook points out, fingers now roaming by Yoongi's collarbone, nudging his shirt out of the way. "It's what's underneath all of that. Just — I don't know. The boyish smell? Does that even make sense?"

Yoongi shifts underneath him, head tipping to the side as he enjoys the gentle touch. "Mm," he says. "Yeah, makes sense." He likes the things layered over Jungkook's scent, too, but it's what's underneath it that he loves, the smell that's purely Jungkook. It stands to reason that Jungkook would feel the same about Yoongi.

Hand lifting to comb through Jungkook's hair, he tugs him closer, head lifting to catch his mouth in a quick kiss. Falling back against the pillow again, he grins. "Harder for me to give you that, though." Even if he could, he thinks, the real joy of it is having Jungkook close, being able to bury his face against the other boy's skin and breathe him in. Nothing else is the same. One day, though, he reminds himself. One day, they'll live together and there won't be a day they don't get to have that.

Jungkook hums, pleased with the brief kiss, lips spreading into a smile as he hears Yoongi drop back onto the pillow. Quiet moments like this are some of Jungkook's favorites, the two of them simply wrapped up in one another, not talking about anything major — moments when they're simply enjoying each other's company, first and foremost. His fingertips skate down from Yoongi's collarbone to the hem of his shirt, slipping briefly underneath to skate along Yoongi's side. His eyes skirt down, pushing up the shirt to admire the contrast of their complexions.

"Yeah. Guess that means I should just come over more often. So that your smell never fades," Jungkook murmurs, leaning down until their foreheads touch. He pouts, tilting his chin down until he's able to steal another kiss, this one longer. Lingering. "Wish my bed smelled like you. I should just... have you over sometime."

"I can just come over and roll in your sheets for a while," Yoongi teases. He's not sure how safe it is for him to be at Jungkook's, knowing what they suspect about Jungkook, but he's not going to say no. Any chance they have to be together is worth taking. He'll just have to be cautious any time they might not be alone. It would be worth it, he figures, to have a chance to get to know Jungkook's mother.

He pulls Jungkook back down for another kiss, tugging his lower lip gently between his teeth. "Just roll around until the bed smells like me." If he had this way, Jungkook would just stay here, but the days when they'll get to live together are still a long way off. For now, it'll have to be enough that he stays over at all.

The image of Yoongi rolling around in his sheets is at once funny and endearing, and already Jungkook's turning over thoughts in his mind, trying to figure out how he can make an excuse to invite Yoongi over. Yoongi's been helping him with his studies — that much is indisputable. Maybe if Jungkook plans around the days where Yeongwook's likely to be out of the house, it won't draw as much attention. Maybe if they're quiet, his parents won't notice if Yoongi gets sneaked out of the house early in the morning, rather than late at night.

They have to be able to figure something out, Jungkook thinks. They need to have a way to ease into it, especially if he plans on eventually coming out to his mother.

For now, the tug of Yoongi's teeth is enough to pull Jungkook out of his thoughts, arms sliding further up the mattress to bring himself further flush with Yoongi's body.

"You know what's even more effective at making the bed smell like you?" Jungkook murmurs, rocking his hips for emphasis.

Yoongi grins, reaching up to trace his fingers along Jungkook's cheek. "Insatiable," he teases. It's hardly a complaint. If they're ever going to have sex in Jungkook's bed, they'll have to be much, much quieter than they usually are, but he's not going to complain about that either. As much as the sounds Jungkook makes are part of the fun, there's a certain appeal in straining not to get caught, too.

Besides, he wants that. Wants to spend the night in Jungkook's bed for once, just to fall asleep in his room. Even if that means all they do is study and sleep, he won't mind.

A hand settling on Jungkook's ass, he tilts his head up, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "But you're right, much more effective."

"Can you blame me?" Jungkook asks, his smile widening, cheek pressed against Yoongi's fingers before he leans down, lips tracing along the line of Yoongi's jaw, kisses pressed against the hollow of his neck. It's one of his favorite places, warm enough to press his nose into as they drift off to sleep, Yoongi's scent noticeable all the while. The skin there is softer as well, delicate, veins visible just underneath the surface.

He pulls back, far enough to focus on Yoongi's face, the dark fan of lashes. It's a delicate balance, the way his emotions shift from the flickering heat of want and the softer, sweet ache of awe. There's no denying the love between them — so tangible that Jungkook doesn't think he'll ever forget the way his lips feel, the trace of his fingertips. But he still wonders sometimes.

How it's even possible that he could enjoy a love like this.

Wordlessly, Jungkook raises a hand again, fingertips gently mapping over Yoongi's every feature.

"Not even a little," Yoongi says, eyes fluttering shut as he enjoys the gentle brush of Jungkook's fingers over his skin. It feels like Jungkook is memorizing him, trying to tuck away every last detail, and while it's entirely unnecessary, it's sweet, too. Gazing up at him again, he runs his fingers gently through Jungkook's hair. It's nice sometimes just to lie here, barely having to speak. The way Jungkook looks at him says more than enough.

Sometimes that makes Yoongi feel all but invincible. They've been lucky enough to find each other, to fall in love. What could possibly stop them now? Today, though, everything feels softer, more delicate. They've been so fortunate, it's hard not to wonder if their luck might run out. Even if it does, he tells himself, they'll still have each other.

"I mean, I want you all the time. Can't fault you for the same."

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