𝕞𝕠𝕕𝕦𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟

[lovestrippedbare]

The last time Jungkook had touched the keys of a piano was well over a year ago. Pianos were temperamental instruments, in a way. Even if the strings were perfectly tuned, the music would not come without the right touch; a piano would easily reject anyone who abused its keys, rough and tinny to the ear.

For months, Jungkook had pleaded with the little piano in the back of their classroom, stumbling over chords and measures that were once so familiar. He knew he was pressing all of the correct keys in the right time, in the right order, but there was a certain dissonance to the sound, vibration cutting deep into the jaw. But never once did Jungkook lose patience with the instrument; it wasn't the piano's fault, after all. Day after day, he carefully shut the lid. Week after week, he would wipe away the dust which had settled over the weekend.

In many ways, the piano and Yoongi were one. Inseparable. And so Jungkook felt that he could not leave it, not over the summer, not even when his absences became obvious to the teacher, and the classroom the first place they would search.

He had come on his birthday, the bench creaking slightly under his weight, though he could not bring himself to touch the keys that day. Instead, he waited until the last stream of light failed to stream through the dirty panes of glass.

But the last time was after that, when Jungkook had worn his teacher's patience too thin. The first hit knocked him to the ground. And finally, the second hit landed, as it should have all those months ago. A third, a fourth — just as Jungkook had always suspected, not a single one hurt.

I was right. You shouldn't have protected me. And where are you now?


The last time was over a year ago, and now Jungkook stands in front of a small music store, staring at the silhouette of a piano tucked away in the back. Years ago, they had talked about visiting a shop. Talked about making the rounds to hear each piano's unique tone, talked about finally getting a chance to feel what it was like to press the keys of a grand. How they would be dressed up, but only a touch more than usual — showing their aspirations without getting ahead of themselves.

They never made it.

It's been years, long enough that there are days when Jungkook almost forgets. Days when he wakes up, and all that lies in wait is the monotony of his alarm's buzzing, the ache of his shoulders as he hefts his backpack. But then, his thumb brushes against the band still worn around his pinky finger.

There are days when Jungkook almost forgets, but most days are more of a mix between fear and anger, different shades of grief that all leave Jungkook struggling to breathe. What drove him away from the piano was guilt, but what keeps him from coming back is the growing sense of futility.

He can't visit his father's grave for fear that Yoongi might be waiting there too.

Anger wins today's tug of war when Jungkook's gaze drops, finding a rock by the sidewalk — or maybe it's a piece of concrete from all the construction in the area, Jungkook isn't sure and he doesn't care. All he knows is that the surface is rough, digging against his palm as he picks it up, tossing it a couple of times in the air before throwing all his force into a throw.

The glass cracks, and then it shatters, spilling across the pavement and glittering under the streetlights. (Jungkook remembers — splintered glass, bright green; Taehyung wasn't aiming at the street, not really.)

Eventually, when the tinny alarm doesn't draw any flashing lights or police sirens, Jungkook climbs over the window's ledge. Walks towards the back of the store and lets his hands act for him — gripping the familiar edge of a piano bench, the legs shuddering as they drag against the carpet. Even now, he lifts the lid carefully, exposing polished lengths of black and white; his fingers stop trembling the moment the tips rest against the keys.

This time, when Jungkook pleads with the piano, it answers. Soft and solemn, Jungkook leans in, eyes sliding to a close as he seeks out the melody, plaintive treble keys bright against the reassurance of the bass' rolling chords. Pathétique leads Jungkook with its steady rhythm, serene until it's suddenly not — until it chases after bright optimism, and Jungkook's fingers stumble.

And he can't continue.

It's the first time that he strikes the piano without precision, standing suddenly from the bench as his palm slams down, fingers stretching over the octave, notes clashing into noise.

Regret spills forth immediately, breath punched from Jungkook's lungs as he sits back down, the bench letting out a low groan under his weight.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, sniffing and letting out a slow exhale. "You didn't deserve..."

He tries again from the top, but this playthrough lacks any of the calm from the first, fingers getting ahead of Jungkook's mind, falling into muscle memory. But muscle memory captures so much more than the perfect performances — it also takes every repeated mistake and etches it into the brain, taking it from misstep to flaw.

Jungkook flinches when he hits the wrong key, chord still pressed in his left hand.

Comments

[lovestrippedbare]

"Everything," Jungkook echoes. He's missed everything. All of it, from the companionable silences they shared while doing homework, to the rhythm of Yoongi's breathing against his chest when they were lulled to sleep. From the days when he would try everything in the book to coax a laugh out of Yoongi, to the quiet intensity of their shared practice at the piano. He misses even the dark days, when it grew so difficult that they hardly knew how to breathe, but there was trust there, there was love there, even softer than usual as they fell into one another. And of course he's missed this, the way they've always instinctively fit with one another, reading each other as well as they could the notes on a staff.

He wants to believe that they can return to that point. Already, this moment is reminiscent of so much, nights spent curled in Yoongi's bed, hushed for fear of alerting his father. Without so many words, they had to rely on reaction. Every sharp intake of breath.

I felt incomplete without you, Jungkook wants to say. Wonders if it's too much to do so. But it's true enough that in spite of all the hurt and the distance that time left, there's a part of Jungkook that feels more at peace than he has in years. Like he no longer needs to be constantly searching.

"I feel like I'm the one who's come home," Jungkook murmurs, barely above a whisper. He's not even sure if Yoongi can hear. Without pause, he cants his hips, against the soft press of Yoongi's lips. "Want you so much."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

Maybe it's true, in some respects. Maybe Jungkook is the one coming home to him and this is where they'll start their life together. Maybe Yoongi can finally get it right. With Jungkook underneath him, his voice hardly more than a whisper, the room already feels brighter. Maybe he can have this, one good thing in a miserable life, but the only good he needs.

Jungkook lifts his hips and Yoongi tugs denim down around his hips, pressing a kiss to his thigh as he sits back. Casting the jeans to the floor, he lingers where he is for a few moments, hands running soothingly along Jungkook's shins as he takes him in. He's thinner and still littered with fading bruises, sending a flare of anger through Yoongi (how could he leave Jungkook with that man? How could he leave him alone in that house?). Even so, he's handsome as ever in Yoongi's eyes.

"You are home," he says, soft as his fingertips travel the inside of Jungkook's thigh, as he leans back over him to press a kiss to the jut of a hipbone. It's not much of a home, but maybe it could be. Hope is hard to come by, but he feels it now, flickering small and bright as a firefly. Inching back down the couch, there's limited room, but Yoongi finds he likes even that, the narrow space keeping them close together, his body bracketed by the frame of Jungkook's legs. There's a strange sense of security to it. He mouths at the outline of Jungkook's length through the fabric, his own desire swooping in his stomach, and reaches to finish undressing him. There's a tumble of nerves in his gut; even their first time together, he wasn't quite this unsure of himself. Excitement and need outweighed any anxiety, but back then, they could have done anything wrong and laughed their way through it. It seems to him like a lot more is riding on his shoulders this time around. Still, he wants.

He presses another kiss to Jungkook's hip, gazing up at him. "Still so beautiful."

[lovestrippedbare]

By now, Jungkook's pretty sure that so much of this has been forgotten on his part, his head falling back against the arm of the couch and breath quickening as Yoongi's lips brush along the length of his cock, warm even through the fabric. Wanting Yoongi is a familiar ache, but the way that Yoongi touches him now — it's either different or Jungkook's simply forgotten, the way the fire seems to rise right under his skin, the air slipping between his teeth somewhere between a sigh and a hiss as he arches under Yoongi's fingers. He hasn't left himself much time for fantasies in the past year; sensuality is more a series of motions that he mindlessly goes through in an attempt to let off stress. It hasn't felt like pleasure, exactly, in a long time.

"Need you," Jungkook gasps, threading his fingers through Yoongi's hair and tilting his head up to watch, jaw slack and gaze transfixed. He remembers... the way it looked, Yoongi's eyes dark and wanting, Yoongi's skin pale under his hands. He remembers the love. But there's a desperation that seizes tight around his chest and Jungkook isn't sure how to satisfy it other than being together, other than wanting Yoongi now. He tightens the hold of his thighs on either of Yoongi's sides, shivers when Yoongi's lips drop to his hip.

Yoongi calls him beautiful, and Jungkook wonders if it's in the way that a butterfly is beautiful, even when its wings and torn and injured. Can Yoongi see how broken he's felt? His hands, somehow, seem to find all the right places. Sealing the cracks, piecing him back together.

"I love you," he breathes, blinking rapidly as he brushes a palm against Yoongi's cheek. "Please, Yoongi..."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

It's been a long time since Yoongi last did this — not since that afternoon in his last lifetime, the pair of them curled up in bed, fantasizing about a future together that he erased with a single decision. Maybe, maybe, they can get it back. Even now, though, it's hard to imagine, possibilities flickering and fading in the back of his mind. Does he still know how to do this?

But, god, how he wants this. Even that comes as something of a surprise, simply because he so rarely has both the energy and the inclination to get himself off these days. Having Jungkook in front of him, though, he can feel how hard he's getting already. Like his body remembers what he hasn't let himself think of in some time. Running a hand along Jungkook's thigh, he lowers his head and drags his tongue over the tip, a soft moan escaping him even before he takes him into his mouth. He's not used to this anymore, taking his time acclimating to the feeling of Jungkook's cock filling his mouth, heavy on his tongue, the taste familiar as an old memory.

His hand comes to rest, fingertips pressing into Jungkook's thigh as he bobs his head. Gaze lifting, he meets Jungkook's eyes, whimpering, desire twisting down his spine. He always loved this, looking up to see how badly Jungkook wants him, the way his skin flushes, his eyes half-lidded, need writ clear across his features. There's something deeply reassuring about it; some things haven't changed.

[lovestrippedbare]

The sudden heat surrounding his cock takes Jungkook by surprise, even though his eyes have been trained on Yoongi the entire time. Somehow, he still doesn't expect it — he gasps, one hand grabbing at the upholstery of the couch, the other fisting in Yoongi's hair, keeping himself busy to stop his hips from bucking. There's a flush that blooms over his cheeks, a twist in the pit of his stomach as Jungkook feels something not entirely unlike embarrassment for having forgotten so much. He feels clumsy, green again, his mind distantly trying to recall what he used to do, wondering if he's falling short.

But one thing doesn't change — the undercurrent of desire, bright moans falling from Jungkook's lips. He remembers needing to be quiet, once. Remembers the stretch of pale walls around them, remembers how conscious they were of every footfall they could hear from the hall. Here, the room is large, and all sounds have their echo; as Jungkook hears Yoongi moan, so he responds with a whimper of his own, loud and desperate as his head tilts back and eyes slide to a close.

"Fuck, you feel. You feel so good, Min-ah. So fucking good at this," Jungkook breathes, his legs writhing as his hand gives Yoongi's hair a slight tug. He's not going to last long at this rate, heavy against Yoongi's tongue, the press of his lips slick and tight.

"I'm close," he hisses behind grit teeth, tilting his head back to watch Yoongi, a thread of reluctance in his chest. He doesn't want this to be over so soon, wants the moment to last forever — he would revel in it, if only it could.

[likedriedflowerpetals]

This might be the most relaxed Yoongi has felt tonight, so singularly focused on Jungkook's pleasure that it dulls the voices of doubt. Watching from this angle, taking in the soft expanse of Jungkook's throat as his head falls back, the fingers twisting in his hair — there's something comfortingly solid about this. Here, at least, even out of practice, he knows what he's doing. Tongue swirling over the head of Jungkook's cock, he knows he's doing something right by the way he hisses and moans. There's a certain relief in that.

There's life in it, blood pulsing, heart racing, desire flooding through him, all anchoring him in this moment. There's no room for uncertainty now, no need to question what's smart, what's best. He's desperate to be touched, desperate to make Jungkook feel good. The room feels more occupied, more like a home, than it ever has.

To think he'd planned on coming back, having a drink or two, and going to sleep. Will he ever be able to sleep in here again, Jungkook's soft cries echoing through his memories?

Part of him wants to slow down now, to draw this out, edging Jungkook until he can't take it anymore. It might just be that he wants to be good at something for a change, to get something right here. The desire to see Jungkook come is stronger, though. Humming contentedly, knowing how good that vibration can feel, he maintains a steady pace, hand stroking from hip to thigh. Maybe they'll be okay after all.

[lovestrippedbare]

The hum of Yoongi's voice is soft, felt more than heard, and Jungkook finds himself struck by how gentle Yoongi is being, even in the heat of the moment. Two years they've been apart, with little idea of how the other might be faring. Two years over which their feelings had time to settle and fade — and yet tonight, it doesn't feel like they have at all. Perhaps Jungkook no longer has a sense of presumed security, of having Yoongi just a call or text away, but somehow he finds himself feeling so safe here regardless. Finds himself comforted by the fact that Yoongi still loves him. Still holds Jungkook as he did before.

Jungkook's chest heaves as desire coils low in his gut, hands tugging at Yoongi's hair, sharp but also careful not to pull too hard, lest he hurt Yoongi in the process. His heels continue to dig against the couch, a soft, low moan building in his throat. "I love you, Yoongi, I'm — I'm gonna come, Yoongi, please—"

With a soft gasp, Jungkook's head tilts back against the armrest, hips trembling and bucking slightly as he comes, an extended climax as he bites down on his lower lip, groan barely restrained. By the end, his limbs are trembling, sapped of their strength even as Jungkook reaches out for Yoongi's cheek and strokes gently with his thumb.

"I wanna kiss you," he breathes, eyes briefly fluttering shut before he fixes his gaze on Yoongi again, on the damp skin around his lips, glistening even in the low light.

[likedriedflowerpetals]

So much of this evening has left Yoongi feeling, at best, a bit rueful, more often guilty and hurt, plagued by uncertainty. This, though — this is perfect. He can see that he's doing something right; he can see, in every gesture, every glance, that Jungkook still wants him. Still loves him.

And it's a little bit terrifying, but it's so good, too. Maybe Jungkook is right. Maybe he's finally come home to Yoongi, though Yoongi's been the one missing all this time.

Watching him writhe and arch, Yoongi's struck not by shame, but, for a moment, with something like pride and relief. Easing slowly back, he licks his lips, trying to clear away any last traces before he shifts his weight, crawling back up the couch. "I love you," he whispers, though the words are still tinged with guilt in his mind. After everything he's done — or hasn't done —

He pushes the thought aside, leaning in to kiss Jungkook instead, slow and deep. As badly as he wants to be touched right now, he savors the moment, comforted by the easy glide of Jungkook's tongue against his own. So much has changed, but this still feels so right. Half-draped over Jungkook, he lifts his hand to his cheek, his heart leaping. Happiness. He'd nearly forgotten how that feels.

[lovestrippedbare]

"I love you," Jungkook echoes, somewhere between a whisper and a murmur. Suddenly, the moment feels right — complementary contours finally finding their place. They love each other, always have and always will, and to experience that now in the press of skin to skin is just as fitting as it was the first time. No, perhaps more so. Jungkook knows that so much of his very being began to shift; for all that he and Yonogi were well-suited in the beginning, over those six months, they made space for one another in a way that only soulmates do. Moved together. Became practically one. And though time has worn both of them a little at the edges, it's only a matter of time before they mend that gap, Jungkook thinks.

Tonight's already a good start.

Jungkook's hands lift to cup gently along the sides of Yoongi's jaw, just in time to drink in his kiss. He moans softly at the taste of himself on Yoongi's tongue, and though the sharp need of desire has passed, Jungkook doesn't find himself wanting any less. The steadiness returns to his arms now, and Jungkook slides a leg up and around Yoongi's hip before one hand snakes down, palming heavily at Yoongi's erection through his pants before seeking out the waistband and tracing along the hem.

"Wanna taste you. Wanna make you feel so good," Jungkook breathes, fingers already deftly slipping the button free and nudging the zipper down, slipping underneath to tease at Yoongi over the fabric of his underwear. Jungkook's own breath shivers slightly, feeling a small, damp spot on the fabric. "Will you let me?"

[likedriedflowerpetals]

For a moment, Yoongi can't help the flash of guilt, tugging at his heart. After the damage he's done, it almost seems unfair for him to get anything out of this. The way Jungkook touches him now, dragging a groan from Yoongi's throat, though, seems like a pretty good argument for just going with this. He can and will feel bad later, but it's been a long time since he felt good. Some days, he's not sure he feels anything at all.

"Fuck, yes," he sighs against Jungkook's mouth, kissing him again. "I want you — wanted you for so long." Even these memories have become torturous with time; he's never been able to separate the physical from the emotional when it comes to sex, which means fantasizing about the past only leads to present guilt and shame. Here and now, though, with Jungkook touching him, the pleasure is too immediate to let his mind wander too much. Instead, he presses his hips into Jungkook's hand, seeking more.

[lovestrippedbare]

With Yoongi's confirmation, Jungkook pushes himself up on his elbows, deepening their kiss; he snakes a hand around the back of Yoongi's neck, cradling him, keeping him close. There's a small rush of breath whenever their lips leave even the slightest of gasps, but for the most part Jungkook simply focuses on tasting him, on mapping out the contour of his lips, tracing the tip of his tongue along teeth. Carefully, he wraps his arm around Yoongi's waist, then rolls both of their bodies carefully over, laying Yoongi gently down on the couch and sitting up on knees and feet, taking a moment to just absorb the view.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Jungkook murmurs, voice rough and low as he bends down, nudging Yoongi's pants down his legs until he's able to kick them away, taking his underwear in the process. Jungkook rakes his fingers through his own hair, pushing it back to make sure not a single bit of his view is obstructed as he then runs a hand down the length of Yoongi's chest, fingers teasing a little longer around a nipple before coming to a rest by the cut of his hip. "I thought I remembered, but... still takes my breath away."

There's a smile that briefly pulls at Jungkook's lips, though he doesn't give it the time to fully grow, doesn't know if he can manage it when his heart still feels like it's aching. Instead, Jungkook leans down, using his lips to trace the path his fingers took only moments ago, slowly shuffling down the length of the sofa until he's face to face with Yoongi's erection, hand wrapping around soft, heated skin and stroking from base to tip.

[likedriedflowerpetals]

The smile that crosses Jungkook's face transfixes Yoongi, brief and wistful as the last days of autumn. It tugs at his chest, reminds him of the promises he made long ago. Making Jungkook smile, making him laugh, making him happy — these were his responsibilities, and the thing he most wanted to do besides. And maybe, on some level, they're happy here tonight, but he knows deep down that it's not the same now.

Not, at least, yet. The love is still there, though, that much he's sure of now. If they're willing to try, maybe everything can still work out — not in the way they envisioned before, but together all the same.

Soft, sweet kisses turn his focus from speculation to sex again, gaze fixed on Jungkook as he travels lower, sliding down between Yoongi's legs. It's hard to think himself beautiful now; too much about him has changed and most days he feels as if he barely even looks alive. What confidence he used to have in his looks has faded, like every other ounce of confidence he once possessed. But Jungkook touches him and that doesn't matter right now, a groan catching in Yoongi's throat as his head tips back, hips bucking instinctively before he can think better of it.

"Gguk," he says, soft, reaching out to stroke his fingers through Jungkook's hair.

[lovestrippedbare]

The sudden jolt of Yoongi's hips brings a grin to Jungkook's lips, arching a brow as he glances up at Yoongi, convinced now that the elder has missed this just as much as Jungkook has. He presses one hand down on top of Yoongi's hip, the heel of his palm pressed at the top of his thigh, keeping him gently pinned as Jungkook leans in, experimenting first by swirling his tongue around the head of Yoongi's cock, sighing and moaning at the taste of him. Is it the same? Has it changed? Jungkook isn't quite sure — his brain tells him that there's something less familiar in the moment, but with the passage of time, it's hard to say.

It's new, but not entirely so — a bitterness and headiness that Jungkook recognizes, that he's only ever known from tasting Yoongi.

He sucks gently at the tip, pulling back to lick his lips, careful to mind any chapped skin before Jungkook leans back in and sinks his mouth over Yoongi's cock, a soft groan in the back of his throat as he takes Yoongi as deep as he can, sparking tears in his eyes, a slight stretch in the back of his mouth. He lingers there for a while, focused on the slide of his tongue before he pulls back up, then sinks down, gradually picking up a steady rhythm. Only once Jungkook's sure that he can ward off any gagging does he turn his gaze back up to Yoongi's face, watching for reactions, any kind of guidance.

Jungkook reaches up with his free hand, tracing his fingers around Yoongi's nipple, up to his collarbone, smoothing out over skin.

[likedriedflowerpetals]

For just a moment, guilt flickers across Yoongi's expression, a weight in his chest at the thought that this is unfair. He abandoned Jungkook, abandoned all of them, and it's more than he deserves to have Jungkook trying to make him feel good now, after everything. He hurt them both and badly; it makes no sense to follow that with pleasure. Makeup sex would be one thing if they'd just had a little spat, but the level of cruelty he's displayed with his absence is nothing short of criminal.

But Jungkook is touching him, holding him down, and then his tongue, his mouth, are on him, around him, and all Yoongi can do is let out a whimper that turns into a moan. He's never been able to think clearly with Jungkook sucking him off and, for now, the worries fall away again — never far out of reach, but banished far enough to the back of his mind that he can enjoy the moment. His fingers curl in Jungkook's hair, his heart racing, breath coming in little pants. "Fuck," he sighs, "Gguk, fuck, like that."

Realistically, he knows, he won't last very long. It's been a long fucking time and Jungkook is still so good at this; it's like their bodies remember what they've tried to put behind them, what they could never really forget. Still, he means to enjoy every moment, as if they'll never get this chance again.

"Always so fucking good to me." His hand drops briefly to Jungkook's cheek before sweeping back into his hair again. There's little as mesmerizing or arousing as watching Jungkook like this, so deliberate and focused and yet half-dazed with lust as he sinks his mouth over Yoongi's cock over and over. He can't remember the last time he felt so absorbed in something so good. "Love you so much."

[lovestrippedbare]

The more he hears the sound of his nickname — one that only Yoongi has ever used for him like this, voice deep and rough — the more memories start to flow through Jungkook's mind. All the times they've been intimate before, the sheets mussed underneath their weight, a flicker of smiles and the way they moved together, always together. Even from the start, the both of them clumsy and so inexperienced, there was never a moment when one of them left the other behind. It strikes Jungkook now that this is what he's always loved most about their intimacy — it's never been a one-sided grab for pleasure. It's always been about the exploration, learning each other's bodies and rediscovering what they've known before, slowly becoming one.

Jungkook can feel the way Yoongi trembles beneath him, breath ragged and thin, a heavy pulse underneath where his thumb presses by Yoongi's thigh. His gaze pulls away for a few seconds, singular focus paid to the length of Yoongi's cock, tongue pressing close and tight to the weight of him before curling just underneath the head, each time he draws back. By the time Jungkook glances up at Yoongi's expression once more, he finds himself unable to contain a slight whimper at the look in Yoongi's eyes, half-lidded and wanting, lips parted as though Jungkook is all he's ever needed to see.

There's a slight performative aspect to sex, Jungkook thinks, no matter how much the two of them are in sync.

Perhaps in the way this is, as much as any words could be, a declaration of their love for one another. That much hasn't changed, and Jungkook redoubles his efforts as soon as he hears those words soft on the shell of his ear — love you so much.

He loves Yoongi, too. There was no point ever trying to deny it.

Jungkook lets out a hum, though it sounds on the cusp of a whimper to his own ears, sinking down again and again to try and pull Yoongi close. He wants to watch the climax — those few moments for which there's nothing else in the world but the two of them, no worries and no fear.

[likedriedflowerpetals]

In a way, it feels a bit like the first time, like they're still discovering each other. Maybe they are. Maybe they have to learn each other all over again; maybe they still have a lifetime to do so in. Yoongi doesn't dare linger on that thought for long, couldn't even if he wanted to, not when Jungkook looks and feels so fucking good. It's hard to think clearly about anything, other than the fleeting thought that the sounds Jungkook makes are almost as intoxicating as the way he works his tongue over Yoongi's cock. Both make him feel as if there's nowhere else Jungkook wants to be, nothing else he wants to do.

Groaning, Yoongi reaches out to clutch at the couch, his other hand curling in Jungkook's hair. "So close," he gasps, eyes falling shut. They don't stay closed for long, though. Yoongi can't resist watching Jungkook, mesmerized, gaze locked on Jungkook's own. His breath catches, his heart racing, pounding in his ears. Jungkook doesn't need to say anything. Love is in every glance, every touch, every sound he makes. "Gonna come, Gguk, I'm — fuck —"

His whimper sinks into a low moan, his head tipping, back arching, as he comes, his hand pulling tight in Jungkook's hair without his meaning it to. Pleasure sweeps over and through him, and in the moment he sees stars, it almost feels like the last two years have fallen away entirely.

[lovestrippedbare]

Jungkook's own lids flutter, though not quite to a close, desperate to drink in the sight of Yoongi's neck, stretched out and pale. In all the time they've known each other, Yoongi has always been the one of them who's sought after more control. Perhaps it's a consequence of the life he's led, how early on he had to start fending for himself and his own needs — a fact that led in part, Jungkook knows, to Yoongi's absence these past couple of years. He's always been thoughtful. More reserved. And so, to see him lose himself entirely in moments like this give Jungkook a deep pleasure — knowing how much trust there must be for Yoongi to let go.

And he's beautiful as he does, skin slightly damp with sweat, almost glowing in the dim light of the room. Jungkook lets out a small sound as Yoongi comes, no longer accustomed to the feel of the warmth hitting his throat, though he recovers quickly and does his best to swallow it all — driven, at least in part, by a need to show how much he cares. How much he loves Yoongi, how much he wants him.

How much he wouldn't be able to handle Yoongi leaving again.

Maybe it's unfair, and so it's nothing that Jungkook voices, instead pulling back carefully and checking to make sure he hasn't missed anything much, licking at his own lips, head swimming with the familiarity of how Yoongi tastes. It's a lot to take in, suddenly, now that the moment has passed. Two years. It's been two years, and Jungkook's chest is tight as he watches Yoongi, refreshing all the memories that had started to fade.

He crawls back up the length of the couch, dipping his head until his nose brushes against the curve of Yoongi's cheek. "So beautiful when you come for me," he murmurs. "Love you so much, Yoongi-ah."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

Languid and sated, Yoongi turns his head to kiss Jungkook, his arms wrapping around him. In this moment, it all seems so easy. Maybe he can come home. He spent so long afraid of being alone, only to end up choosing that loneliness for himself. Maybe he doesn't have to be alone anymore. Even if Jungkook is the only one who forgives him, wouldn't that be enough?

Don't leave me, he thinks. Don't let me leave. No matter how relaxed he finds himself now, though, he can't bring himself to say it aloud.

"I love you," he says instead, feather-soft against Jungkook's lips, bringing a hand to his cheek. Fuck, how he missed this, just gazing into Jungkook's eyes and seeing all the love there, the adoration — tainted, perhaps, by a pang of guilt in Yoongi's heart, but irresistible all the same. Running a hand along Jungkook's back, down the slope of his spine, he sighs; it is, he knows with certainty, the best he's felt since he left home.

Even now, the little voice in the back of his head whispers he doesn't deserve it, and he knows that's true, that this is entirely selfish, but he's been so alone. The silence here is as oppressive as it was at home, nothing to relieve it but himself. To have Jungkook in his arms now, the air filled with their heavy breathing, their soft words, is so overwhelmingly good that it makes Yoongi's heart ache with gratitude and relief. The warmth and weight of Jungkook's body nestled against his own is better than he remembered, comforting, as if he's keeping Yoongi anchored in place, safe from the reality of his life.

"Gguk-ah," he murmurs, lifting his head for another kiss. "Can you stay tonight?"

[lovestrippedbare]

This moment manages somehow to be both simple and impossibly difficult, Jungkook's chest feeling tight as he returns Yoongi's kisses, scarcely daring to breathe. There's a familiarity to being wrapped in Yoongi's arms, a safety that Jungkook finds himself reluctant to leave, and yet his mind is already sinking into a quiet hum of panic. In spite of his optimism, he finds himself expecting this moment to end, now that the height of desperation has passed. As though any shift is liable to wake up him with an unpleasant jolt, with the realization that tonight has been nothing more than a dream.

Perhaps it's for this reason that Jungkook curls up in Yoongi's arms; he may be the taller of the two of them, but Jungkook almost folds himself into Yoongi's embrace now, wanting to be surrounded by his warmth, his touch. His kisses return to the almost imperceptible tremulation they'd carried back in the music store, and a part of Jungkook hates himself for it. He should be showing to Yoongi that he's pulled himself together, that he's capable now of withstanding anything that might get thrown in their direction — but the almost childish bravado of two years ago has been tempered.

When Yoongi asks Jungkook to stay, Jungkook's breath catches; he takes a moment to reorient himself. Presses another kiss to Yoongi's lips, letting that carry the weight of the deep longing in his chest, the weight he's been carrying for two years now, one hand brushing down the length of Yoongi's side as they kiss.

"I would've been upset if you didn't invite me to stay," Jungkook admits, pulling back only far enough to meet Yoongi's gaze, his eyes tracing over every last feature. It's really him. "Of course I can. I don't want to let you go."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

Every moment feels so fragile. Yoongi feels so fragile. His days are a constant back and forth between genuine numbness and trying not to feel, knowing how easy it is for him to fall apart. He's told himself it's just him, that he's just weak like that, useless like that. Right now, it feels like it's only been because too much of him was missing to hold the rest together. He hasn't been whole in years.

But that's his own fucking fault and maybe some people deserve to be broken.

"I don't want to let you go either," he says, hushed, fingers tracing aimless designs along Jungkook's back. "Feels like a dream. I missed you so much." His voice grows hoarse as he speaks, just shy of cracking. They were separated because of him. He chose that. It doesn't feel right to act like he gets to be sad about it, but he can't help it either. Even with Jungkook here, he's not sure he can ever repair the damage he's done to their relationship. To himself.

He lifts his head, presses a kiss to Jungkook's lips, his eyes closing again as he brushes another kiss against his cheek. "Nothing feels right without you."

[lovestrippedbare]

There's a constant warring of voices in Jungkook's head. No, maybe voices isn't quite the right way to describe it — more like a warring of emotions, even more dizzying for how they're hard to define, hard to distinguish from one another. An insistent petulance, a flicker of hurt — if Yoongi missed him, if Yoongi didn't want to let him go, why did he? If nothing felt right without Jungkook, why didn't Yoongi turn around and set the world back in place?

(Because of you. Because you made the mistake and cost Yoongi his future; would anyone think straight after that? A crushing guilt, the reason why Jungkook can't take a full breath, and it's hard to distinguish this weight from that of the arms gently draped around his back.)

And now he's here. And now he's here, real and solid, every last touch as comforting as it was before, the two of them falling back into place like no time passed at all. Jungkook inhales sharply as Yoongi closes the distance between their lips again; his skin still feels heated to the touch, though he shivers every time a draft passes through the unit.

"Nothing was right when you were gone," Jungkook whispers, drawing in a shaky breath before he buries his face against the side of Yoongi's neck, muffling his voice. "I can't even remember — I can't remember how one day was different from the next. Just that you weren't there. It was all I could think about. Remembering you."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

It unnerves Yoongi a little, how familiar that sounds. All his days have faded into each other, one hardly different from the next — days of numbness followed by weeks of pain. He doesn't know how he's still here, but he's not about to tell Jungkook that. Everything is so tenuous as it is. If he admits it's been that bad — and, god, Jungkook knows him, can probably already imagine — he's not sure he'll ever be able to convince Jungkook to leave his side. And he has to. As much as Yoongi can hardly bear the idea of watching him go, Jungkook can't stay here. He might think he'd be happy here, but Yoongi has three months to prove he can do better.

For now, though, all he wants to do is hold Jungkook tight, making small soothing motions against his back. If Jungkook sounds younger even than Yoongi remembered, curled small and hurt against him, then he only has himself to blame for that.

"I shouldn't have left," he says quietly. It hurts to admit; it feels a little too close to saying that there was no point in it, that he put them through this for no reason. "I shouldn't have done that to you." He swallows hard, takes a deep breath. Even now, he's not sure he can ever go back. But they were planning to run anyway. Just because he can't go home doesn't mean they can't find another home somewhere else, maybe.

If Jungkook can forgive him. If he doesn't wake up tomorrow and tell Yoongi to fuck off, like he should.

"I didn't know what else to do." He turns his head, burying his face against Jungkook's hair, breathing him in. "I fucked up. And then I was too scared to go back. And I get it if you never forgive me. If no one does."

We're better off without you. Just because Jimin's not around doesn't mean the others don't feel the same way.

"But I'm here."

[lovestrippedbare]

He shouldn't have left; that Yoongi acknowledges the truth now takes the very breath from Jungkook's lungs, eyes blinking fast as he determinedly stares at the length of Yoongi's neck, too close and blurred for focus. Jungkook can't help but wonder why it wasn't enough — all those calls, all those texts and voicemails, pleading with Yoongi to return. He must have listened to them, otherwise his mailbox would have filled up, no more space to save an additional word. Why wasn't it enough to bring Yoongi back then? Is it only now, seeing how far Jungkook has fallen and how weakness has spread through his very veins, that Yoongi feels he's made a mistake?

Jungkook isn't sure if he wants that, either. Isn't sure if he can cope with Yoongi living with the belief that it was his absence that tore Jungkook apart and left him as he is now, a shell of what he was before. (But maybe it was, maybe it was Yoongi being gone. Together, Jungkook never minded the other struggles so much. Together, Jungkook found the resilience to weather through the days.)

It's too soon to process it all. Jungkook hates that he can't give that solace to Yoongi straight away. That he can't, with a word, let Yoongi know that he's forgiven. Forgiveness is tangled in too much else for Jungkook to offer it in good faith just yet.

"You should... let the others know," Jungkook says softly, pressing the tip of his nose against Yoongi's skin, counting out the cadence between each rise and fall of his breath. "They missed you, you know. Even if they were angry, they all missed you. Hoseokie hyung..."

Jungkook's eyes slide to a close. "All I've needed is for you to be here."

[likedriedflowerpetals]

Yoongi exhales slowly, focused on slowing the way his heart races at the idea of talking to the others now. It's hard to believe they'd still want him among them. By now, they must see him for what he really is, and why would they want him back? He abandoned them. Abandoned Hoseok, who's already been left enough. It doesn't seem to him like there's any chance of them forgiving him. He wouldn't deserve it if they did.

Stay gone.

Maybe Jungkook only needed him. But the others never really did. They're better off without him now.

"I'm here," he says again, hand stilling at the small of Jungkook's back. He should say I'm not going anywhere, he knows he should, but the words don't come. He presses a kiss to Jungkook's hair, eyes closing tight again, heart aching. Jungkook still loves him, never stopped loving him, and he repaid him with betrayal. He hurt all of them. Why any of them would want him back is beyond him, and the idea of it is terrifying. He can't be relied on, can't be trusted not to hurt them again. It's a responsibility he doesn't know how to bear.

He's quiet a moment, takes another slow, deep breath, before he can speak again. "I don't know if I can go back. They... I don't think they'd want to see me again. Better off without me anyway."

[lovestrippedbare]

When Yoongi draws in a breath, Jungkook nearly flinches. Wonders what could take so long to work up to saying, right after reassurances offered. It doesn't take long for Jungkook's mind to come up with a million possibilities, each one hurting more than the last — that Yoongi will warn Jungkook that he can't stay, that Jungkook isn't allowed to return as often as he's already planning to. He closes his eyes, letting himself slip into the darkness in the shadow under Yoongi's jaw, his arms wrapping just a little tighter around Yoongi's waist.

But then the words slip from Yoongi's lips, and it's worse, almost. Because Jungkook doesn't know the full extent of reassurances he can offer. Doesn't know how each one of the others will react. He remembers the fire in Jimin's eyes, fierce and protective, but — oh, Jimin isn't around anyway. He wonders how Taehyung might react, for one of their number to come back but not the one Taehyung longs for most. Wonders if Hoseok would forgive Yoongi as plainly as he might his mother, were she to ever return.

Jungkook wants to believe the best, but it's been so long.

"We're not better off without you," he says quietly, the only words he can offer with certainty. "None of us were ever better off without you." He draws in a deep breath, feeling the weight of a secret settle around his neck, because if Yoongi doesn't want to return, there's no point in telling the others.