lovestrippedbare: (elevate.)
jeon jΟ…ngΔΈooΔΈ ([personal profile] lovestrippedbare) wrote2019-01-06 01:58 pm
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π•˜π•π•šπ•€π•€π•’π•Ÿπ••π• 

The phone slips gently from Jungkook's hand, coming to a rest on rumpled sheets as he picks himself up, sliding his legs out of bed. It's hard to remember exactly what he's done over the past couple of days, ever since he returned home from dance practice. Distantly, Jungkook remembers meals. Remembers a slight sheen of sweat over the back of his neck, palms clammy as he sat in front of his parents, in front of Yeongwook, exchanging pleasantries over a family dinner. What he doesn't remember are the more important details — what his father's gaze looked like, whether or not there was any ire. Whether or not anyone noticed, aside from his hyung, how preoccupied Jungkook's been.

He's kept himself busy mostly with small chores around the house, keeping everything clean as a good start to the new year. When he runs out of things to do, Jungkook sleeps. It's the easiest way to pass the time, Jungkook eager to while the hours away until it's reasonable to leave the house again, to see anyone who demands more than his cursory attention.

That the phone rings with Yoongi's tone is both a blessing and a curse. There's no one Jungkook wants to see more, and yet Jungkook also fears what might happen if Yoongi might see him. If a glance will immediately reveal what's wrong. It's not that Jungkook wants to hide anything. He's just tired.

Doesn't want to think about it when there's nothing to be done.

It's been weeks since Jungkook's previous bruises healed, but he detours to the bathroom nonetheless, locking the door before lifting the hem of his shirt to examine his skin in the mirror. Mottled pink and purple stretching across his ribs and abdomen, still fresh and almost pretty, Jungkook thinks in spite of himself. The pattern is different than the one his father usually leaves; Jungkook isn't sure whether or not Yoongi will be able to tell the difference.

Maybe he'll be lucky, Jungkook tells himself, and things will stay out of sight. They're only going shopping, after all. There are a million reasons Jungkook can give for needing to stay at home for dinner, and he's pretty sure Yoongi would understand every one, never holding them against Jungkook. They both know that any obstacles aren't of their own making. Not for the next two years, at least.

He spends the entire walk to Yoongi's house forming excuses and explanations, winding little paths that barely stay within the range of truth, carefully avoiding any direct lie. An unfocused gaze trails lazily after the way his breath fogs in the air, Jungkook's steps keeping him to the side of the path and out of the way of other passersby. By the time he reaches Yoongi's house, Jungkook has decided that the simplest explanation is the best — that his mom asked for him to stay home for dinner today, that he should be there because his dad and brother will both be, and he doesn't like being the only person absent from the roster.

The excuses fly out of his mind seconds later, as soon as Yoongi's door opens, Jungkook's shoulders just a little too tense, his brow a touch too tightly knit. Hands stuffed in his pockets, when he'd rather reach out with them, wrap his arms around Yoongi and hold on until everything else melts away.

"Hey," Jungkook says instead, his smile on the cusp of reaching his eyes.
likedriedflowerpetals: [fire] (neg, neutral) (this is fine)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-18 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
"Isn't it a catch to find someone who loves me so much?" Yoongi asks, his tone teasing, though he believes it entirely. How could that be anything less than the luckiest he could be?

He brushes his thumb gently back and forth over Jungkook's chest, shifting until he's barely inches away from his face. Of course he's biased, he can admit that, but it's not like that's all. "Do you need me to tell you how obvious it is? Because you are a catch, Jeon Jungkook. Handsome and kind and passionate and talented. So fucking sweet. Romantic. Charismatic. Silly, but it's endearing. Thoughtful and good. You love so much. How could anyone not be lucky to be loved by you?"

He's not usually so verbose, but it seems important now. When the world seems to want Jungkook to think he's a problem, that he's somehow wrong, Yoongi needs him to know that isn't true. He's wonderful. Someone has to tell him that.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) pensive (a flower that can't be bloomed)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-21 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
Deserve feels to Yoongi like too strong a word for this. He's lucky, yes, but deserving? He's trying to be, at least. Being a good boyfriend isn't that hard, at least; it comes naturally to him to be devoted and attentive to all Jungkook does. He wants to be a part of it all, the good and the bad, and that means allowing Jungkook the same. The bad on his end, though, won't always let him believe something like that, that he's deserving.

"I don't want more," he says, thumb stroking gently along Jungkook's skin. "You're all I want. You're everything." It doesn't feel like an exaggeration to say as much when Jungkook occupies his thoughts day and night, when he moves through Yoongi's dreams, at the heart of all his hopes and plans for the future. It's simply the truth. "And I'm serious. You're all I'm looking at. All I see."
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg, neutral) pensive (please stay there a little longer)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-21 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
At first, Yoongi thought that was all he needed, to make Jungkook happy. Now, though, he knows differently. Now he knows he also needs desperately to keep him safe. As long as he can't, he knows, he'll always feel a little lacking. When Jungkook looks at him like this, though, when he says how happy he is, it gets a little easier for Yoongi to push back the doubt. For now, he tells himself, it's alright. As long as they're here together, nothing can touch them.

The soft press of lips against his coaxes a smile out of Yoongi and he leans forward to rest his forehead against Jungkook's. "Good," he whispers, shifting his hand down to rest against Jungkook's back, tracing soft lines up and down. Maybe he can't fix everything the way he wants to, but here and now, they're safe and happy. He can give Jungkook that. That's enough. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

He wonders if it should be frightening, to be so wholly consumed by someone else, to belong so completely to someone. Instead he finds it comforting. His life isn't only his own now. He has someone to share it with, keeping the loneliness at bay, making him happier than he's been in years. It feels like he has meaning now and purpose. If he can spend his life like this, he'll be unbelievably lucky.
likedriedflowerpetals: [music, jungkook] (neutral, positive) (tempo di valse)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-22 12:51 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah," Yoongi say, a soft exhale, lips quirking into a small smile. "I was thinking that, too. That maybe I should be, but... I'm not. I'm happy." Even today, fear just barely behind him, he's so exquisitely happy, he doesn't know how to put it into words. Maybe he has more to worry about now, but it's different. The anxiety of the time before Jungkook was meaningless, senseless; now it comes from having someone he loves more than life itself. It feels like a fair trade.

He closes his eyes, too, quiet for a moment. "So fucking happy. And safe. It's not scary, it's just safe." That's why it doesn't frighten him, he thinks β€” because it's Jungkook. Because he knows he's so deeply loved, he has nothing to worry about. Jungkook won't ever hurt or leave him. It's like he's just said. As long as they're at each other's side, they can figure everything else out together. For the first time in a long time, there's solid ground under his feet again.
likedriedflowerpetals: [fire] (neg, neutral) (this is fine)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-23 09:53 am (UTC)(link)
Yoongi huffs out a soft laugh, lifting his hand to Jungkook's cheek again. "Yeah, I know you have," he says wryly. There are, he's sure, more than he's aware of, but he's caught Jungkook on more than one occasion with his phone aimed Yoongi's way or with a picture posted to Twitter before he's entirely awake. He doesn't really mind, though. If anything, it's flattering, the thought that his boyfriend is every bit as entranced with him as he is with Jungkook, that he wants both to keep him and to share him, to always have something to turn to and to show everyone what they're missing.

Mostly, though, he likes the thought of the ones Jungkook keeps for himself, the way he keeps that little audio clips Jungkook made for him a while back. The way he sometimes falls asleep to a loop of Jungkook saying I love you. It makes the nights they're apart a little less lonely.

"Any time." He dips his head forward, nose brushing against nose. "You can take all the pictures you want." Fingertips tracing gently along his jaw, Yoongi tilts his head to kiss Jungkook, eyes falling shut again. Posing for a few pictures is easy. He's not sure he's much of a model, but he doesn't think that's the point anyway. Jungkook doesn't need to make art. He wants pictures of him as he really is.
likedriedflowerpetals: [fire] (neg, neutral) (this is fine)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-23 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
No matter how many times he hears those words, they still send a thrill through Yoongi, like every part of him lights up with gentle delight. Jungkook loves him. He is loved, loved by someone as wonderful as Jungkook, loved by the person he loves more than anyone else in all the world. How could anyone ever get tired of that?

"I love you," he echoes, smiling, leaning forward for another kiss, soft and sweet and nearly chaste. It's nice just to kiss him, just to be here. He felt so horrible not that long ago; it's a relief to feel at ease again, relaxed and warm and loved. More than that, it's a relief to know Jungkook feels that way. His fingers trace down along the curve of Jungkook's neck and back up again, mapping out his jaw, his cheek, carding through his hair, slow and steady.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) (in a sea of self-infliction)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-24 08:37 am (UTC)(link)
Yoongi folds his arms around Jungkook, fingers brushing through his hair, and tilts forward to kiss the top of his head. "You're here now," he says quietly. "That's what matters." He's not sure how long Jungkook waited to tell him, and the thought of that makes him a little uneasy, but it's not like he doesn't understand. It's fucking terrifying to share the darkest parts of himself with someone else, even someone he loves as much as he does Jungkook. He has to imagine it's just as difficult for Jungkook to talk about what's going on at home.

And he doesn't make it much easier, he thinks. He gets angry or frightened, pushes Jungkook into a position to have to take care of him, and that's probably not fair of him. It's hard to react in as calm and measured a manner as he wishes he had when it hurts so goddamn much to know Jungkook is hurting. He's not sure he could ever be placid about that. He wouldn't want to be.

They're here together now and that's the important thing. Jungkook is safe and, Yoongi is pretty sure, happy in spite of everything. Little else matters. Still, Yoongi hesitates a moment before he speaks. "You can talk to me, you know," he says. "When stuff like this happens. I told you, I want to know. I want to be here for you. Let me."
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) it's FINE we're FINE (scattering apart)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-25 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
A chill tugs at Yoongi's spine, sharp and dizzying, and he hugs Jungkook tighter. "You don't have to," he murmurs. "I know." He knows that feeling too fucking well, and the last thing he wants is for Jungkook to have to understand it. It's not like it doesn't make sense that he would, but he shouldn't have to. It's bad enough Yoongi has to deal with it. Jungkook deserves better. It's not like he's weak for being unable to fight back. Things aren't that simple, no matter how much Yoongi would like them to be.

"It's okay," he adds slowly, picking his words carefully, trying to imagine what would help him. "If you can't. It's okay. But you'd want me to call when I feel that way, right? Even if you can't make it go away."

It is, he thinks, one of the things that awes him most. He's been doing so well since they started dating, but he knows a day will come when the darkness threatens him again, that there have been nights when it's still been hard to push back. And when that happens, he knows Jungkook will be there beside him through all of it, no matter how much it hurts. It's a kind of strength Yoongi desperately hopes he has, too.

"But if you can't, it's okay."
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) FOREVER ALONE (don't wanna be lonelyβ€š wanna be yours)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-25 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Yoongi presses kisses to the top of Jungkook's head, eyes closed, like somehow that can block out everything that threatens their happiness. "Okay," he murmurs. "And I mean it, if you can't, I understand. But... thank you." He doesn't want Jungkook to add an obligation to him to his list of things to feel bad about, but it helps, Yoongi thinks, to feel that, too. To feel that someone is owed the truth, rather than it being a burden to share. It makes him feel a little more at ease, at least, with the idea of telling Jungkook than he might otherwise have been.

Lifting a hand to run through Jungkook's hair, he sighs. "I love you. I love you. So much." It's not easy to let someone else in, even someone he loves as much as Jungkook, and he knows it won't be easy for Jungkook either. The fact that he's willing to try is enough. "We'll get through everything together. Remember that."

He's so used to trying to push through his problems alone. Learning to be part of a team takes work. In the end, though, he knows, it'll be worth it. They'll lift each other up again.
likedriedflowerpetals: [jungkook] (neg) can't sleep, homesick, babe, I just wanna stay right next to you. (just tell me it wasn't love)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-26 05:03 am (UTC)(link)
Yoongi laughs, soft and relieved, grateful to hear the shift in Jungkook's voice. A little at a time, he's realizing, this can't just be about making Jungkook happy. There's more to this relationship than that, if only because it's utterly impossible for them to both be happy all the time. He can barely manage happiness for himself. It's got to be about being together through all of it anyway. But that doesn't make him any less pleased to hear the way Jungkook whines, sweet and light.

"So do you," he says, nose buried against Jungkook's hair. "And we are happy. We'll just be happier." What they'll really be, he thinks, is free. If they can hold out just a couple more years, they'll be free, safe from abuse and neglect, safe in each other's arms the way they're supposed to be. Until then, they have each other to lean on to get through it.

A hand still in Jungkook's hair, he rubs circles against his back with the other, breathing him in. "We will get through it. No matter what. You have me, always."
likedriedflowerpetals: (positive) :D (got diamonds in my eyes for you)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-26 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Letting Jungkook nudge him onto his back, Yoongi laughs. "I'll let you do whatever you want to me," he says, "but I draw the line at being eaten. Come here." He wraps his arms more firmly around Jungkook, pulling him close, enjoying the warm weight on top of him and the laughter in Jungkook's voice. After the solemnity of earlier and the way he sounded near tears just moments ago, it's such a relief to hear. This is what he wants, Yoongi realizes. This is the goal. Not just to be happy, but to bring happiness back when it flickers and fades, when the world around them threatens to put out the spark.

"I'd give you my soap and shampoo," he adds, "but I like the way you smell already." He barely even wears the pajamas Jungkook gave him, not wanting them to smell too much of himself. He just keeps them close on the night when Jungkook isn't here and he has trouble sleeping. Even his other pillow is starting to smell of Jungkook.

Running his hands over Jungkook's side and up along his back, he sighs, quietly content.
likedriedflowerpetals: [jungkook] (positive) soft boy :( (I'd run awayβ€š I'd run away with you)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-01-27 09:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Yoongi shifts underneath him, head tipping to the side as he enjoys the gentle touch. "Mm," he says. "Yeah, makes sense." He likes the things layered over Jungkook's scent, too, but it's what's underneath it that he loves, the smell that's purely Jungkook. It stands to reason that Jungkook would feel the same about Yoongi.

Hand lifting to comb through Jungkook's hair, he tugs him closer, head lifting to catch his mouth in a quick kiss. Falling back against the pillow again, he grins. "Harder for me to give you that, though." Even if he could, he thinks, the real joy of it is having Jungkook close, being able to bury his face against the other boy's skin and breathe him in. Nothing else is the same. One day, though, he reminds himself. One day, they'll live together and there won't be a day they don't get to have that.

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