lovestrippedbare: (trapped.)
jeon jΟ…ngΔΈooΔΈ ([personal profile] lovestrippedbare) wrote2021-06-08 09:30 pm
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𝕣𝕦𝕓𝕒π•₯𝕠

It takes a day before Jungkook works up the courage to ask Heejin for help. They meet up for breakfast, Jungkook wheeling out of his room before his mother can arrive in the morning, doing his best to keep up with Heejin as she rolls her IV drip along. The chair isn't high enough for him to see everything, but Heejin carefully reads out every dish on offer, adding her own commentary about the freshness of the ingredients, the spiciness of the jjigae. Jungkook returns the favor by balancing both of their trays on his lap as they make their way back to the table.

She's polishing off a cup of pudding when Jungkook asks if she has a phone, his words quiet and jumbled.

He's barely finished his sentence when she reaches into her pocket and pulls her phone out, almost shoves it under his nose with a smile.

"Just return it to me when you're done."




Jungkook doesn't pull the phone out from under his pillow until the sun's long since set and his mother's left for the day. A nurse comes around to turn off the light in his room, murmurs soft encouragement for him to sleep soon, leaves before he even has a chance to nod in her direction. He tries to turn onto his side, winces when his muscles protest, and sighs as he sinks back against the pillows, shoulders flat against the mattress.

Heejin's home screen is cluttered with countless apps, but Jungkook pulls up the text messages, worrying at his lower lip as he types in Yoongi's number.

It's June 8th. Over two weeks since Yoongi heard from him last.

Is he still checking his phone?

The sensation of heat trickling down his cheek jolts Jungkook back to attention, pulling a sharp intake of breath between his teeth. He rubs stubbornly at his cheek with the heel of a palm before he wraps both hands around Heejin's phone, tapping a quick message. Hitting send before he has the time to overthink.

yoongi-ah
it's me


i'm sorry, Jungkook types, before he quickly hits backspace.

i love you.
likedriedflowerpetals: [jungkook] (neg) can't sleep, homesick, babe, I just wanna stay right next to you. (just tell me it wasn't love)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-12 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
It's all Yoongi wants now. He doesn't care that the hospital is much further than he originally thought it was or that he's not sure how long it'll take to get there by bus or if he'll get in trouble for wanting the day off without any warning. Every part of him seems to ache with the longing to be there β€” to see Jungkook for himself, to hold him, physical proof he's alive, that this is real. He's been so fucking afraid, and while hearing Jungkook is a start, it isn't enough. He wants to touch him, to hold his hand, to give the kind of support Jungkook's given him. It's not simple, loving devotion, but a selfish, terrified need to make this as real as he can.

"I will," he says, a fervent promise, his voice thick in his throat. "I..." He hesitates, unsure. Is it unfair of him if he admits how bad things have been? Jungkook needs to take care of himself, not to worry about Yoongi.

But eventually he'll get his phone back and he'll see anyway.

"I've been so scared," he admits quietly. "I thought I lost you. I didn't know what to do." Even saying it hurts, his heart too tight, too heavy in his chest. Even hearing Jungkook's voice on the other end of the line, the fear is still all too real. How he made it this long, he doesn't know.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) (take me away from the demons in my brain)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-12 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Yoongi wonders if he knows β€” if, through their closeness, Jungkook senses how close Yoongi came to not waiting, how badly he wanted to take his own life at times, and the utter force of will it took him to keep going. To still be here. How his heart beat against his ribs like a bird trying to escape a cage, wild and panicked. It was losing Jungkook that put him back in that desperate, frightened place; it was Jungkook, too, that kept him here. The thin hope that he was alive, the fear of hurting him, the need not to let him down or break his promise.

"I know," he says quickly. "I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't." That's what scared him so much. It took time, but he's come to an understanding, he thinks, a realization that Jungkook won't leave him, won't change his mind and seek something better, safer. "I knew you'd be here if you could. But it's okay now. I know β€”" You're alive. "Please don't worry about me." It won't be easy now, but it will be better. It has to be. He knows where Jungkook is and how to get to him. It's going to be fine, no matter what comes next.
Edited 2019-06-12 22:13 (UTC)
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) lost (set the fire to the third bar)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-15 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
"I love you, too," Yoongi says, fervent. He wants more than anything for Jungkook to hear that, to know how utterly fucking adored he is. That none of it matters now. That Yoongi doesn't blame him for any of this. "So much. I love you." He wants so badly to be there, to reach out and take Jungkook by the hand or to kiss him, soft as he can, careful not to hurt him. The desire to just run his fingers through Jungkook's hair is a physical ache, his stomach pulling tight, fingers straining toward something he can't reach.

"And I know," he murmurs. "I was β€” I worried. But I knew you wouldn't do that to me." It's more than he deserves when he's the one who left, once upon a time, but he's secure in that much all the same. Jungkook loves him with a steadiness Yoongi's not sure he really meets or merits. "'s why I was so worried. I knew... something had to be really wrong..." He winces, thinking again of the messages he sent, hoping Jungkook doesn't read through them when he gets his phone back. Hoping his mother didn't see any of them. He wasn't entirely himself for some of that β€” too drunk, too irrational β€” and he doesn't want Jungkook worrying about how close he might have come to hurting himself.

Even if he suspects Jungkook's already worried about that.

"I'm okay. Now that I know where you are, I'm okay. I promise."
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) FOREVER ALONE (don't wanna be lonelyβ€š wanna be yours)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-16 06:59 am (UTC)(link)
Yoongi closes his eyes, leaning into his knees, just letting the sound of Jungkook's voice roll over him. There's still a ragged quality to it, even as he hurries to reassure, that worries Yoongi. He can't imagine what would have caused that. He's not sure he wants to. Whatever the reason, though, even if it's only his mother's worry that kept him quiet, Jungkook wouldn't still be there if it weren't something serious.

"You're hurt," he says quietly. "Of course she is. I would β€” I wish I were there. That I could be too." His voice wavers, not as steady as he'd like. Being away from Jungkook now hurts, visceral, sharp in his gut, a sense of longing so potent it manifests as a prickling sensation along his skin. "Not over, just. Protective. I miss you so much." It's stupid, he tells himself. He went so much longer without seeing Jungkook before and they were fine. Except every day of that was agony, so maybe that doesn't hold up as well as he tries to make himself think it does. And when it was all he could do most nights not to dwell too long on the possibility that Jungkook was dead β€”

Even thinking it now makes his throat tighten. It isn't like that. They're both fine. Whatever happened or almost happened or didn't happen, they're fine.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) (in a sea of self-infliction)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-16 07:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Jungkook has always been the more optimistic of them. Without being able to see him, it's hard for Yoongi to muster up the same hope, his fear crowding in, conjuring images of how badly injured Jungkook might be. He tells himself that, of the two of them, Jungkook's in the better position to know how bad it is. That, if he says it'll be okay, that has to mean something. He wouldn't say that if he didn't think it were at least possible, even if his idea of what's possible has always been more generous than Yoongi's.

"Soon," he says, with all the fervor of a promise. "As soon as I can." Already he knows tomorrow will be difficult, that it's doubtful he can take off work on such short notice, but maybe he can go in the evening. Even if he wouldn't have too much time, it'd be better than nothing. "You're sure you're okay for visitors?" He nearly asks if he'll even be allowed in, if Jungkook's mother would have told them to keep out Jungkook's friends, but it doesn't seem fair. Besides, it's something he'll deal with when he gets there. If they won't permit him in, he'll just have to sneak in. He's not going to let anything keep him away, unless Jungkook tells him he's not ready. Even having asked, though, Yoongi can hardly imagine that being the case. If anything, his presence should help, the way it did for him when Jungkook visited every day.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neutral) concentrating, pensive (sometimes my mind don't shake & shift)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-17 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
"It's okay," Yoongi says quickly. "It's okay." There's no good in Jungkook worrying too much, least of all when there's nothing they can do about it now. Either they let him in or they don't. As much as Yoongi would prefer to have some kind of plan, he can't know what will happen until he gets there. "I'll figure it out, I promise. If they won't let me in β€”" He hesitates, shaking his head. "They will. If I have to pretend to be Yeongwook or I have to sneak in, whatever, I'll be there. Nothing and no one could keep me from you. I'll find your room and stand outside your window like a creep, I don't care."

He's not sure that he could go that far β€” at least, not without getting in trouble probably β€” but that isn't the point. He'll go to whatever lengths are required to be at Jungkook's side, and he can hope, at least, that he might make him smile. Besides, with all they've already been through and everything life undoubtedly still holds in store for them, lying to nurses is nothing. He's snuck out of enough places in his life. They snuck Jimin out of the hospital. It shouldn't be too hard, if he has to, to sneak himself in.
likedriedflowerpetals: [fire] (neg, neutral) (this is fine)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-17 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
There's a shift in Jungkook's tone when he speaks again, and Yoongi can tell he's smiling. Even if it's just a little, even if it's brief, he's coaxed that much out of him, and it makes Yoongi feel a tiny bit better. He's not as good as Jungkook is at lightening the mood and being the optimistic one, but he'll try his damnedest if it means making Jungkook even a fraction happier.

"Ah, you won't have to try too hard," he teases. "People like you. Unlike me. I think I annoyed my nurses." He wasn't exactly in the mood to be the kindest patient. Even when he was trying hard to get better, even when he felt more prepared to return to the world of the living, he wasn't great at keeping up a faΓ§ade of friendliness. Every time Jungkook left, he could feel himself lapsing back into melancholy, and, especially in the first few days, he's pretty sure he snapped at them a couple times. Though, in his defense, it fucking hurt. "But you're nicer than me. Prettier, too."

He can imagine it easily, too, how simple it would be for Jungkook to be sweet and polite, even if he's in pain. He's always had a milder temperament than Yoongi.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) (in a sea of self-infliction)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-18 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Jungkook is probably right. If the nurses lost their temper with him, they did so away from Yoongi, at least, well-trained and probably used to people in foul moods. He wouldn't fault them if they'd complained about him behind his back, but they were never anything less than professional with him. With everything he put himself through to land himself there β€” well, they've probably seen worse anyway.

His heart seizes in his chest at Jungkook's next words, a desperation clawing at his lungs. He wants to plead with Jungkook not to go, to stay on the line, half-afraid that all of this might prove to be nothing but a dream if he stops hearing Jungkook's voice. He can't, though. It isn't his phone, isn't his right to say Jungkook shouldn't be considerate of the girl who's let him contact Yoongi at all. At least now he knows where he is, knows he's alive. That's going to have to be enough.

"I would if we could," he says, imagining reaching out to take Jungkook's hand. He wants to touch him so badly, just to feel him solid and real under his hands. "But yeah, probably smart." He hesitates. He doesn't want to be the first to say good-bye. "I love you. More than anything. Okay? I'll be there soon and... we'll get through this. Just like everything else. I love you."
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) lost (set the fire to the third bar)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-19 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Jungkook is crying and it feels like Yoongi's own heart is being pulled from his chest. To hear him sobbing and not be able to hold him in a kind of torture, and suddenly Yoongi's very limbs ache with the desire to get up and run to him, to do anything it takes to be in Jungkook's arms. There's no way he'd get in now, though, the hour too late for visitors, and being so close and so far would only hurt. All he can do is listen helplessly as suddenly the sounds dim and fade, another voice rising that he can't quite make out.

"Gguk?" He tries to keep panic out of his voice. They've all but said their good-byes, and still he's terrified the call might actually end. He can't go back to the way life was hardly half an hour ago, if that. He tells himself he doesn't have to, that he now knows where Jungkook is, that he's alive, and that that's so much more than he had this morning. It doesn't dim the ache that comes with knowing they have to hang up soon. Why didn't he try harder to find him sooner? Why isn't he there now? "Gguk β€” I love you. I'm so β€” so sorry I'm not there. Please don't cry. I'm coming, okay?" It's all he can do to fight back tears of his own, throat growing tighter with every word. "It'll be okay. We'll be together and it'll be okay."
likedriedflowerpetals: [jungkook] (neg) can't sleep, homesick, babe, I just wanna stay right next to you. (just tell me it wasn't love)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-20 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
It's all Yoongi can do to hide his own tears, eyes closing at the sound of Jungkook's voice again. It's not hard to tell that Jungkook doesn't entirely believe things will be okay, and it leaves Yoongi wavering, torn between his own natural pessimism and the need to keep hope alive. One of them has to believe. If Jungkook can't, it'll have to be him.

"I know," he whispers. "I know you do. Get some sleep, okay?" He draws in a slow, deep breath, wiping his eyes. "Take care of yourself until I can come do it for you." Soon, he tells himself. He'll figure it out quickly and go as soon as he can and dry those tears himself. In the meanwhile, the idea of hanging up terrifies him; it isn't Jungkook's phone, he can't call him on it, and not knowing if he'll get to speak to him again before he gets to the hospital hurts. Not having a way to contact him feels like going back into the dark again, lost and scared and so alone.

He should be stronger. He should be the one to hang up, so Jungkook doesn't have to, but he can't bring himself to do it.
likedriedflowerpetals: (neg) FOREVER ALONE (don't wanna be lonelyβ€š wanna be yours)

[personal profile] likedriedflowerpetals 2019-06-20 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
There's so much left to say. Yoongi has trouble getting any of it out, when none of it seems more important than making sure Jungkook knows how utterly loved he is. He has no idea still the extent of the damage or how long Jungkook is going to be in the hospital or when it might be safe to visit. Somehow, the idea of asking now scares him. Maybe it means he has space to imagine the worst, but, for a moment, it also means he can remember Jungkook exactly as he was, healthy and whole. Happy.

Somehow, in spite of everything, they were so happy, just for a moment there.

"Okay," he says. "Yeah. And I can reach you through her if I need to, right? But I'll be there soon and then we can talk in person and we can catch each other up on everything."

Well, not everything. There's a lot he can't hide from Jungkook, a lot he'll figure out anyway once he gets his phone back, but Yoongi doesn't need to confirm how bad it was. That doesn't matter now, not as much as Jungkook's health.

"Good night, Gguk," he says softly. "I love you."