lovestrippedbare | 𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠

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yoongi

𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠

The phone slips gently from Jungkook's hand, coming to a rest on rumpled sheets as he picks himself up, sliding his legs out of bed. It's hard to remember exactly what he's done over the past couple of days, ever since he returned home from dance practice. Distantly, Jungkook remembers meals. Remembers a slight sheen of sweat over the back of his neck, palms clammy as he sat in front of his parents, in front of Yeongwook, exchanging pleasantries over a family dinner. What he doesn't remember are the more important details — what his father's gaze looked like, whether or not there was any ire. Whether or not anyone noticed, aside from his hyung, how preoccupied Jungkook's been.

He's kept himself busy mostly with small chores around the house, keeping everything clean as a good start to the new year. When he runs out of things to do, Jungkook sleeps. It's the easiest way to pass the time, Jungkook eager to while the hours away until it's reasonable to leave the house again, to see anyone who demands more than his cursory attention.

That the phone rings with Yoongi's tone is both a blessing and a curse. There's no one Jungkook wants to see more, and yet Jungkook also fears what might happen if Yoongi might see him. If a glance will immediately reveal what's wrong. It's not that Jungkook wants to hide anything. He's just tired.

Doesn't want to think about it when there's nothing to be done.

It's been weeks since Jungkook's previous bruises healed, but he detours to the bathroom nonetheless, locking the door before lifting the hem of his shirt to examine his skin in the mirror. Mottled pink and purple stretching across his ribs and abdomen, still fresh and almost pretty, Jungkook thinks in spite of himself. The pattern is different than the one his father usually leaves; Jungkook isn't sure whether or not Yoongi will be able to tell the difference.

Maybe he'll be lucky, Jungkook tells himself, and things will stay out of sight. They're only going shopping, after all. There are a million reasons Jungkook can give for needing to stay at home for dinner, and he's pretty sure Yoongi would understand every one, never holding them against Jungkook. They both know that any obstacles aren't of their own making. Not for the next two years, at least.

He spends the entire walk to Yoongi's house forming excuses and explanations, winding little paths that barely stay within the range of truth, carefully avoiding any direct lie. An unfocused gaze trails lazily after the way his breath fogs in the air, Jungkook's steps keeping him to the side of the path and out of the way of other passersby. By the time he reaches Yoongi's house, Jungkook has decided that the simplest explanation is the best — that his mom asked for him to stay home for dinner today, that he should be there because his dad and brother will both be, and he doesn't like being the only person absent from the roster.

The excuses fly out of his mind seconds later, as soon as Yoongi's door opens, Jungkook's shoulders just a little too tense, his brow a touch too tightly knit. Hands stuffed in his pockets, when he'd rather reach out with them, wrap his arms around Yoongi and hold on until everything else melts away.

"Hey," Jungkook says instead, his smile on the cusp of reaching his eyes.

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Yoongi exhales slowly, holding on tight to Jungkook, grateful for the gentle rub of hands down his back. He hates it, too, hates that he needs to be calmed and reassured when Jungkook is the one suffering, but he needs it all the same, a solid reminder that they're here now. Whatever happened before, they're here, and as long as that's true, no one's going to hurt Jungkook. For a little while, he's safe, and that's all Yoongi can reasonably ask for.

"Okay," he says quietly. Usually all of this just makes him furious, but right now, he finds, he's tired, chest aching from the knowledge that there's nothing he can do. It hurts to feel so defeated, so helpless, but he tries to shrug it off. Jungkook is the one who has to deal with this, who takes the blows. The least Yoongi can do is be here for him without adding to his troubles.

"As long as you're fine."

Is Jungkook fine? He thought he was, said he was, but whenever Yoongi asks, Jungkook feels like he needs to run through the mental exercise of checking in with himself again. He feels safe. He knows he's loved. There's guilt mixed in as well, but it's not suffocating just yet, not when Yoongi's still standing here and the two of them are holding onto one another like this.

He doesn't hate the idea of going out later, doesn't think it'll be too much trouble to muster the energy to make dinner.

The thought of spending the night still makes him happy.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jungkook confirms, raising his arms until they're looped around Yoongi's shoulders and pulling him close. He leans off to the side, burying his nose against Yoongi's shoulder and breathing in deep. "Can we just lie on the bed and cuddle for a bit before we head out?"

Yoongi rests his head against Jungkook's, turning enough to breathe in the scent of his hair. That's steadying, too, all the little, familiar details that ground him in the here and now. When Jungkook isn't here, it's so easy for Yoongi to lie awake for hours, exhausted but unable to sleep all the same, turning over countless imaginary errors and flaws. When he stays the night, though, it's things like this that keep Yoongi feeling safe enough, whole enough, to push through all of that. The smell of his hair and his skin, the warmth and weight of arms around him, the certainty that he's loved. He holds onto these again now, tries to stay in the present instead of letting his mind wander to how much worse this could have been, to how much worse it still could be.

"Yeah," he murmurs, nodding slightly. "Please." He presses a lingering kiss to Jungkook's hair, before he slowly pulls away, an arm still looped around his waist as he leads him toward the bed. "I don't think I'm ready to go out yet anyway." He needs at least a little more of this before he'll feel settled enough for that. Sometimes it's all he really wants anyway, even when he doesn't have awful things floating through his head. Just holding Jungkook, being held in turn, it soothes him. He can never get quite enough of it, just curling up together, sometimes talking, sometimes simply listening to each other breathe. It's exactly the kind of security he's craving now.

There are moments when Jungkook suddenly sees his life in sharp relief. Moments when he looks back and realizes how much he's been training to hold things together — the ache in his shoulders that drives down deep to the bone. Recently, it's been easier to reflect, and it feels like both a blessing and a curse. Knowing the struggles Yoongi's been through, Jungkook can start to recognize some of them in himself, those times when he's been so tired. When he's wanted everything to stop.

He wonders, distantly, where he'd be if it weren't for his hyungs. Where he'd be if he didn't have his love for Yoongi to hold onto, if it hadn't been filling his life in the way that it did even in the months before they were officially together.

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, not liking what he imagines. He focuses instead on the arm around his waist, on the softness of the mattress as they sink down on it together. On the way Yoongi's hair falls to the side as they lay down, legs entwining naturally.

"Yoongi-ah... you're so beautiful, you know that?" Jungkook asks, voice barely above a whisper.

In spite of everything, there's peace to be found here. Yoongi curls up on his side, taking comfort in the easy way their bodies fit together. Whatever else happens to them, they've found each other. They're together. No matter what comes next, he can't regret that, can only be grateful for the happiness he's been given.

Still, there's a solemnity to Jungkook's expression that makes Yoongi want to give all his focus in turn. Gently brushing his knuckles along Jungkook's cheek, he smiles, soft and fond. "Well, yeah," he says lightly, all feigned arrogance, however hushed. This moment feels quiet and small, but safe, and he clings to that. The show of confidence fades, but his smile doesn't. "I mean, I must be, to catch your eye, which is all I care about anyway."

Feigned or not, Yoongi's smile draws a wider one to Jungkook's own lips, and he reaches out with a hand to gently trace along the curve of Yoongi's cheek, down to his jaw, across his face to map out his lips. He could trace these features a million times and never get tired of it, Jungkook thinks. Could spend his entire life trying to keep the smile on Yoongi's face, and that alone would make Jungkook luckier than most anyone else in the world.

"I bet you've caught many eyes and hearts already," Jungkook teases with a slight tilt of his head, fingers having moved to brush Yoongi's hair out of the away, out of his eyes. "...you'd catch even more if people saw the way you look right now. The way you look at the person you love."

He presses his face against the pillow, obscuring part of his expression. "It makes my heart race."

Yoongi can feel his own heart speed up in turn, struck by how sweet Jungkook looks like this, face half-hidden, such fondness in what remains visible. He traces his fingertips down Jungkook's neck, palm skating downward to rest over his heart, to feel for it thudding there beneath.

"Wouldn't matter if I did," he says. "I don't want to look at anyone else anyway." There have been a couple of occasions when he's caught someone's attention, he knows, but there's never been anything serious or long-lived to occupy himself with, never anything more than passing flirtations. He's always been too busy or, simply, not that interested. He imagines the same would be true if anyone showed interest in him now; he simply wouldn't be interested. Who could even begin to compare to Jungkook anyway?

"Besides," he adds, "then they'd look over and see you and understand."

Jungkook's smile, still half buried in the pillow, widens at the feeling of Yoongi's fingertips brushing down and coming to a rest over his heart. There, he thinks, is physical proof of how much he loves Yoongi, how much the feelings threaten to overwhelm him still even now. He can feel his pulse thudding in his ears, and the rhythm of his heartbeat against Yoongi's fingers. Biology class has taught Jungkook that it'd be more accurate to say his emotions are controlled by the brain, but there's a certain romanticism in attributing it to something more instinctive than just the cerebral.

Loving Yoongi doesn't feel like a conscious choice so much as it does a simple truth.

"Yah, you keep talking like I'm some obvious catch or something," Jungkook wrinkles his nose, coughing out a laugh. "You're so biased. I'm just me. Jeon Jungkook. Desperately in love with one Min Yoongi."

"Isn't it a catch to find someone who loves me so much?" Yoongi asks, his tone teasing, though he believes it entirely. How could that be anything less than the luckiest he could be?

He brushes his thumb gently back and forth over Jungkook's chest, shifting until he's barely inches away from his face. Of course he's biased, he can admit that, but it's not like that's all. "Do you need me to tell you how obvious it is? Because you are a catch, Jeon Jungkook. Handsome and kind and passionate and talented. So fucking sweet. Romantic. Charismatic. Silly, but it's endearing. Thoughtful and good. You love so much. How could anyone not be lucky to be loved by you?"

He's not usually so verbose, but it seems important now. When the world seems to want Jungkook to think he's a problem, that he's somehow wrong, Yoongi needs him to know that isn't true. He's wonderful. Someone has to tell him that.

It's never hard to believe that Yoongi means every word that he says. He's always been a fairly blunt person, one of the qualities that Jungkook likes most — there's never any second-guessing, never any concern that Yoongi might be softening his words for the sake of sparing feelings. Yoongi isn't tactless, but when he speaks up, it's always with complete sincerity. Perhaps that, as much as anything else, has made it so easy for Jungkook to feel safe and confident in their relationship.

He has no reason to fear losing this connection, not when the both of them are as committed and loving as they are.

There's still a gap between believing Yoongi's sincerity and actually agreeing with the content of his words. Jungkook has a hard time believing that he's necessarily a catch — a little too young, a little too naive, not always the quickest to pick up on the little things. Still growing into his frame. Still finding his feet.

But maybe it's enough, that when Yoongi looks at him like this, Jungkook feels beautiful.

"Are you sure you're not looking into a mirror right now?" Jungkook says softly, catching Yoongi's hand with his own, and moving them until they rest on top of Jungkook's cheek, pressed against his smile. "But if there's anyone who deserves to be loved like this, it's you. You deserve everything I can give you and more, Yoongi-ah."

Deserve feels to Yoongi like too strong a word for this. He's lucky, yes, but deserving? He's trying to be, at least. Being a good boyfriend isn't that hard, at least; it comes naturally to him to be devoted and attentive to all Jungkook does. He wants to be a part of it all, the good and the bad, and that means allowing Jungkook the same. The bad on his end, though, won't always let him believe something like that, that he's deserving.

"I don't want more," he says, thumb stroking gently along Jungkook's skin. "You're all I want. You're everything." It doesn't feel like an exaggeration to say as much when Jungkook occupies his thoughts day and night, when he moves through Yoongi's dreams, at the heart of all his hopes and plans for the future. It's simply the truth. "And I'm serious. You're all I'm looking at. All I see."

"I know," Jungkook murmurs, his smile widening, his chest aching and filled to the brim. For all that Jungkook doubts himself, if there's something he never wavers in, it's his confidence in their relationship. It's impossible not to feel like the most loved person in the world when Yoongi looks at him like this — like he's something precious, hardly of this world. Like Yoongi could spend every single day simply running his fingers along Jungkook's skin, and it'd already be a blessing.

Jungkook never thinks that Yoongi might be looking at anyone else. Never thinks that Yoongi's gaze or heart might stray. Yoongi devotes himself with an uncompromising focus, and Jungkook is simply the boy lucky enough to receive it all.

When he says that Yoongi deserves more, it's not that Jungkook thinks for a second that Yoongi would turn elsewhere for it — only that Jungkook wants to push himself to be everything he can for Yoongi.

He shifts himself closer on the bed, lets out a sigh of contentment, tilts his head to press a gentle kiss to Yoongi's lips, achingly chaste.

"You're my whole world too, Yoongi-ah. You make me so happy."

At first, Yoongi thought that was all he needed, to make Jungkook happy. Now, though, he knows differently. Now he knows he also needs desperately to keep him safe. As long as he can't, he knows, he'll always feel a little lacking. When Jungkook looks at him like this, though, when he says how happy he is, it gets a little easier for Yoongi to push back the doubt. For now, he tells himself, it's alright. As long as they're here together, nothing can touch them.

The soft press of lips against his coaxes a smile out of Yoongi and he leans forward to rest his forehead against Jungkook's. "Good," he whispers, shifting his hand down to rest against Jungkook's back, tracing soft lines up and down. Maybe he can't fix everything the way he wants to, but here and now, they're safe and happy. He can give Jungkook that. That's enough. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

He wonders if it should be frightening, to be so wholly consumed by someone else, to belong so completely to someone. Instead he finds it comforting. His life isn't only his own now. He has someone to share it with, keeping the loneliness at bay, making him happier than he's been in years. It feels like he has meaning now and purpose. If he can spend his life like this, he'll be unbelievably lucky.

Most of the time, there isn't a need for many words between the two of them. Maybe it would have helped in the beginning, Jungkook thinks now, if they were the type to express more in words. Maybe if they had, it wouldn't have taken them so long to come together, to give themselves to each other — wouldn't have taken so long to cross the line between friends and more. But for all else, it's nice that so much can be said without putting it into words. Jungkook sees the devotion in Yoongi's eyes, sees the flicker of something like fire in them, determination to shape the world in the exact way Jungkook needs.

Here, with the two of them tangled up together like this, forehead to forehead, Jungkook feels so achingly safe. For a few seconds, he closes his eyes, focusing only on the way they share breath and the warmth that emanates from Yoongi's body.

"I know. But all I need is for you to be at my side. Everything else is — we'll figure it out together," Jungkook murmurs, his chest feeling tight, his stomach flipping almost as much as it did the first time they kissed. He keeps falling for Yoongi. HE's not sure he'll ever stop falling. "I'm yours. I'm so... fucking yours that it should scare me, but it doesn't. You know?"

"Yeah," Yoongi say, a soft exhale, lips quirking into a small smile. "I was thinking that, too. That maybe I should be, but... I'm not. I'm happy." Even today, fear just barely behind him, he's so exquisitely happy, he doesn't know how to put it into words. Maybe he has more to worry about now, but it's different. The anxiety of the time before Jungkook was meaningless, senseless; now it comes from having someone he loves more than life itself. It feels like a fair trade.

He closes his eyes, too, quiet for a moment. "So fucking happy. And safe. It's not scary, it's just safe." That's why it doesn't frighten him, he thinks — because it's Jungkook. Because he knows he's so deeply loved, he has nothing to worry about. Jungkook won't ever hurt or leave him. It's like he's just said. As long as they're at each other's side, they can figure everything else out together. For the first time in a long time, there's solid ground under his feet again.

When Jungkook opens his eyes, he finds that Yoongi's closed his. The expression isn't too far from how Yoongi looks in sleep — but more content, perhaps. More serene. Jungkook wonders what Yoongi dreams about at night — if he, like Jungkook, sometimes finds his thoughts careening uncontrollably toward the darkness. He knows that there are times, even when wrapped in each other's arms, that they suddenly wake in the twilight hours. When their breaths catch, the rhythm slightly too quick.

How Jungkook wishes he could chase those nightmares off, so that Yoongi would always look like this.

Wordlessly, he shifts forward, stretching his chin up until he's able to press a kiss to Yoongi's forehead, lips lingering there for a couple extended moments.

His next presses against the point of Yoongi's nose.

Then against the bow of his lips.

"I wanna take pictures of you sometime," Jungkook murmurs softly. "I mean, I've already sneaked a couple, but... when the days are brighter, when spring's creeping up. I want to take pictures of you under the shining sun."

Yoongi huffs out a soft laugh, lifting his hand to Jungkook's cheek again. "Yeah, I know you have," he says wryly. There are, he's sure, more than he's aware of, but he's caught Jungkook on more than one occasion with his phone aimed Yoongi's way or with a picture posted to Twitter before he's entirely awake. He doesn't really mind, though. If anything, it's flattering, the thought that his boyfriend is every bit as entranced with him as he is with Jungkook, that he wants both to keep him and to share him, to always have something to turn to and to show everyone what they're missing.

Mostly, though, he likes the thought of the ones Jungkook keeps for himself, the way he keeps that little audio clips Jungkook made for him a while back. The way he sometimes falls asleep to a loop of Jungkook saying I love you. It makes the nights they're apart a little less lonely.

"Any time." He dips his head forward, nose brushing against nose. "You can take all the pictures you want." Fingertips tracing gently along his jaw, Yoongi tilts his head to kiss Jungkook, eyes falling shut again. Posing for a few pictures is easy. He's not sure he's much of a model, but he doesn't think that's the point anyway. Jungkook doesn't need to make art. He wants pictures of him as he really is.

Jungkook can't even bring himself to look sheepish when Yoongi points out that he's very aware of the fact that Jungkook sneaks pictures. Maybe Yoongi would feel less welcoming if he knew just how often Jungkook does it — how at least half of the pictures in Jungkook's phone are of Yoongi, ranging from poorly lit pictures of him dozing off to the blurry expanse of his shoulders, caught while they're on one of their walks. It's all the little moments that Jungkook finds himself greedy to capture, the moments that he knows himself to usually take for granted.

The everyday existence that will be fuzzy to him in a year or two.

Having permission to continue taking such pictures is a relief; Jungkook wonders if he'll be more forward with it now, grab candids whenever the mood strikes.

For now, he closes his eyes to the feel of fingers tracing down the line of his jaw, and purses his lips just enough to capture the press of Yoongi's. He sighs through his nose, heartbeat already quickening as he returns Yoongi's kiss.

"I love you," he breathes, fingertips skating down Yoongi's sternum, catching on the fabric of his shirt.

No matter how many times he hears those words, they still send a thrill through Yoongi, like every part of him lights up with gentle delight. Jungkook loves him. He is loved, loved by someone as wonderful as Jungkook, loved by the person he loves more than anyone else in all the world. How could anyone ever get tired of that?

"I love you," he echoes, smiling, leaning forward for another kiss, soft and sweet and nearly chaste. It's nice just to kiss him, just to be here. He felt so horrible not that long ago; it's a relief to feel at ease again, relaxed and warm and loved. More than that, it's a relief to know Jungkook feels that way. His fingers trace down along the curve of Jungkook's neck and back up again, mapping out his jaw, his cheek, carding through his hair, slow and steady.

Jungkook could spend hours like this, he's pretty sure, with his limbs gently tangled in Yoongi's own, their lips parting in time, each touch soft and yielding. Yoongi's love is communicated with every sense — the soft brush of fingers, the tempo of his breaths, the taste of his lips, dark eyes under fanned lashes. Nothing more needs to be said, but still the words fall from Jungkook's lips at every pause.

"I love you."

Just because he can.

"I love you, Min-ah."

Every day, it's harder to remember what life was like before this — how his heart ached with anything more than the simple yearning for Yoongi's arms.

Jungkook sighs, ducking down to inhale against Yoongi's shirt, eyes lazily blinking open.

"I should have come here right away," he murmurs.

Yoongi folds his arms around Jungkook, fingers brushing through his hair, and tilts forward to kiss the top of his head. "You're here now," he says quietly. "That's what matters." He's not sure how long Jungkook waited to tell him, and the thought of that makes him a little uneasy, but it's not like he doesn't understand. It's fucking terrifying to share the darkest parts of himself with someone else, even someone he loves as much as he does Jungkook. He has to imagine it's just as difficult for Jungkook to talk about what's going on at home.

And he doesn't make it much easier, he thinks. He gets angry or frightened, pushes Jungkook into a position to have to take care of him, and that's probably not fair of him. It's hard to react in as calm and measured a manner as he wishes he had when it hurts so goddamn much to know Jungkook is hurting. He's not sure he could ever be placid about that. He wouldn't want to be.

They're here together now and that's the important thing. Jungkook is safe and, Yoongi is pretty sure, happy in spite of everything. Little else matters. Still, Yoongi hesitates a moment before he speaks. "You can talk to me, you know," he says. "When stuff like this happens. I told you, I want to know. I want to be here for you. Let me."

All that matters is that Jungkook's here now. It's a sentiment that he can believe, nestled in the folds of Yoongi's shirt as he is, breathing in his scent, wrapped in the warmth of his arms. Even without any words between them, Jungkook finds himself calmed by Yoongi's sheer presence, steady and gentle. There's a sense of security that Jungkook doesn't think he'll ever be able to give up now; as long as he can return here, as long as he's able to find his way back to Yoongi's embrace, everything will always be okay.

"I know that I can tell you these things," Jungkook says after a pause, his voice slightly rough; his throat feels tight. "I know that you want to be here for me, and I want — I want you to be there, I always feel better once I'm here. I just. Sometimes right after it happens, I can't..."

He takes a deep breath, blinking a few times. "Sometimes right after it happens, I can't really make myself do anything. I can't make myself get up. All I can think about is how I should be stronger, but it's like I'm just hollow. I don't know how to explain it."

A chill tugs at Yoongi's spine, sharp and dizzying, and he hugs Jungkook tighter. "You don't have to," he murmurs. "I know." He knows that feeling too fucking well, and the last thing he wants is for Jungkook to have to understand it. It's not like it doesn't make sense that he would, but he shouldn't have to. It's bad enough Yoongi has to deal with it. Jungkook deserves better. It's not like he's weak for being unable to fight back. Things aren't that simple, no matter how much Yoongi would like them to be.

"It's okay," he adds slowly, picking his words carefully, trying to imagine what would help him. "If you can't. It's okay. But you'd want me to call when I feel that way, right? Even if you can't make it go away."

It is, he thinks, one of the things that awes him most. He's been doing so well since they started dating, but he knows a day will come when the darkness threatens him again, that there have been nights when it's still been hard to push back. And when that happens, he knows Jungkook will be there beside him through all of it, no matter how much it hurts. It's a kind of strength Yoongi desperately hopes he has, too.

"But if you can't, it's okay."

The tighter hold makes Jungkook's chest ache, heat prickling at his cheeks and at the corners of his eyes; he tries to blink it away, but it's a fine line to walk. The moment any tears slide down his cheeks, Jungkook knows it'll be over — knows that his emotions will only continue to overflow. He doesn't want that right now. He wants to cling onto the happiness that still lies underneath all the grief, wants to focus on the warmth and security of being here.

But should he be fighting like this? It's not always clear.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd want you to call... I'd always want you to call," Jungkook agrees, his voice slightly wet as he lifts his arms and wraps them around Yoongi, pulling him close. "I always want to know if you're hurting. Even if there's nothing I can do other than be there, I want to know."

He squeezes his eyes shut, nodding almost imperceptibly against Yoongi's shirt. "I'll let you know. I'll let you know whenever something happens," he promises. "If I can't call, I'll text. I'll let you know."

Yoongi presses kisses to the top of Jungkook's head, eyes closed, like somehow that can block out everything that threatens their happiness. "Okay," he murmurs. "And I mean it, if you can't, I understand. But... thank you." He doesn't want Jungkook to add an obligation to him to his list of things to feel bad about, but it helps, Yoongi thinks, to feel that, too. To feel that someone is owed the truth, rather than it being a burden to share. It makes him feel a little more at ease, at least, with the idea of telling Jungkook than he might otherwise have been.

Lifting a hand to run through Jungkook's hair, he sighs. "I love you. I love you. So much." It's not easy to let someone else in, even someone he loves as much as Jungkook, and he knows it won't be easy for Jungkook either. The fact that he's willing to try is enough. "We'll get through everything together. Remember that."

He's so used to trying to push through his problems alone. Learning to be part of a team takes work. In the end, though, he knows, it'll be worth it. They'll lift each other up again.

𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠

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