lovestrippedbare | 𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕚𝕔𝕠

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yoongi

𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕚𝕔𝕠

There are times, Jungkook thinks, when unexpected changes in plan work out for the best. Giving up on the idea of Busan during winter break wasn't the easiest choice at the time — Jungkook had expected it to be the highlight of their winter, and giving into the pressure of Yeongwook's blackmailing hurt on multiple levels. But distance seemed safest. Planning, biding their time, having Jungkook carefully siphon a portion of his allowance over to Yoongi for safekeeping, every passing day made the trip feel more viable again, until the two of them suddenly realized that Yoongi's birthday would be an easy occasion to leave for, and that was that.

They've picked up memories along the way. The first night Jungkook had Yoongi stay over. The first dinner together with his mother, with her offering countless thanks for helping her youngest with his studies. A trip out to a nameless beach, all seven of them together, huddled and bracing against the last of the winter winds.

Getting to March isn't as difficult as Jungkook expected it to be, and now that they're here, the wait has made everything all the sweeter.

He takes countless pictures with his camera — of their seats together on the train, of the little box meals they buy from the lady with the cart. Of the ramyeon they buy an hour later, when it's clear that the box meals are more packaging than substance.

Of Yoongi, staring out the window of the train car, a soft smile on his face.

At first, Jungkook struggled with the idea of spending much of Yoongi's birthday on the train, but the trip to Busan takes several hours at best, which would have required missing class on Friday. Seeing Yoongi's peaceful expression on the train helps to set a little of that regret to rest, as does the stifled laughter they share as they stumble down the hall to their room in the hotel.

"Hotel Elysee," Jungkook says with a flourish as he waits for Yoongi to swipe their room key. "Is that, like, French?"

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"I don't know, and it's carved out of stone," Jungkook reminds Yoongi, shaking his head at the sheer amount of dedication and talent that must have gone into carving the statue. There are countless others from that period of time as well. It makes Jungkook wonder if, with the advent of technology, art like that has taken a step back or two. Fewer people going into art, into music, and opting instead for the high-paying jobs. Their generation doesn't have a Beethoven. Doesn't seem to have a Van Gogh or Michelangelo. "I can't even imagine carving my name into stone, let alone a sculpture that'd last for so many centuries."

Jungkook pulls in a deep breath, taking his phone back from Yoongi. He's not going to let himself get discouraged by the talents of someone who was clearly one of a kind. It's okay not to be that kind of talent, Jungkook thinks.

Happiness is still more important.

"You know what's more beautiful than that, though," Jungkook remarks with a soft smile. "The way I catch you looking at me, sometimes. Like those rare occasions when you wake up earlier than me in the morning."

Yoongi glances over, surprised and shy and pleased all at once. He's never going to get over this, not ever, he's sure of it. Nothing could dim the sweet, gentle pleasure of loving this much and being loved so much in return. To be compared to the finest of art and know it might actually be true — that if anything could be better, it's the real thing, and that, if anything could bring his feelings so visibly to his face, it's Jungkook.

"Like I said," he says. "Art's at its best when it comes closest to real life. Or furthest, sometimes." There are pieces so beautiful, they transport him to a more peaceful frame of mind, elevate him above the day to day, and that's a gift as powerful and necessary as the ability to bring to life things more grounded in reality. He hardly dares compare himself to such things, but if Jungkook does, well, it's enough to know that. "And the way I love you..." He holds Jungkook's gaze a moment, pulling it away to make sure he doesn't walk into anything. "Nothing more real than that."

Three months isn't an incredibly long amount of time, considering. Most people would argue that Jungkook and Yoongi aren't out of their honeymoon phase yet, that as much of their current attraction may stem from the physical alone as it does from anything deeper. But Jungkook thinks that previous experience isn't necessary for him to be sure about what they have, about how well they suit one another. There are many ways in which Jungkook knows that he's childish — his attention often jumps from one topic to another, from one hobby to the next, but with Yoongi, there's only the desire to build towards something greater. Something lasting.

Yoongi makes him hope for forever, and there's nothing that can diminish that for Jungkook.

"Only a few months ago, I thought I was crazy for even wanting you to look my way," Jungkook grins to himself, swinging their hands a little bit higher as they walk. "I still feel like... like I need to do something to really deserve all the love you give me. Ace my exams. Get into a good university. I mean, I'm pretty average."

"Yah," Yoongi exclaims, amused and faintly embarrassed. "I thought I was crazy." Maybe, on some level, that's part of what drew him to Jungkook — all the little touches and glances he can look back at now and know were out of love, all the things that made him feel so special with the younger boy. And it's true that he still does make Yoongi feel special, but he knows now there's much more to it. This is love, as pure and true as it gets.

"And you don't need to do anything," he adds, shrugging. "You're not average to me." Practically speaking, sure, Jungkook doesn't have the best grades and he's not a genius at any one particular thing. So what? He's Jungkook, and that's exactly who Yoongi loves, no matter what he does or doesn't do. If Yoongi had wanted someone more academically inclined, he'd be looking elsewhere. What he wants is this boy who looks at him like he's moonlight — his boy who's so passionate and energetic and charming, no one could help but love him.

"I mean... maybe you're a little crazy for dating beneath your level," Jungkook says, his words slow and coy as he tilts his head back and forth. It's not entirely an exaggeration, Jungkook feels. Yoongi's grades are certainly better than Jungkook's own, and even his demeanor draws its fair share of admirers, as far as Jungkook can tell. Maybe Jungkook's a bit taller, more athletic — but aside from height, even the athleticism is something that Jungkook bets Yoongi could pick up if he had a desire to. (The fact that Yoongi still handily beats Jungkook in basketball seems to be proof enough of that.)

And none of that even begins to touch on Yoongi's talent at the piano, his ability to interpret old classics and even come up with melodies of his own.

Jungkook's the one who lucked out.

"Ah, seriously though. I really thought — you know, when you mentioned liking someone else, I thought it was some noona in your year. I wanted to really scope out your classroom to see who it might be, but that would've been a little too, uh. Creepy and stalkery. Probably," Jungkook muses. "But I figured it'd be some beautiful and edgy girl."

"If you keep saying you're beneath me," Yoongi says, but he can't come up with an adequate punishment. He's terrible at actually holding anything against Jungkook anyway. Still, even when Jungkook is teasing — practically flirting — Yoongi doesn't like to hear it. It's not that he thinks Jungkook is quite like him, that he takes that kind of talk as utterly to heart as Yoongi does, but still, it implies insecurities without any reason. They're equals. Whether Yoongi's older or not or if he gets better grades, it doesn't make them any less on even footing.

Still, he laughs a moment later, rolling his eyes. "When did I have time to meet some beautiful, edgy girl?" he asks. "I was with you all the time. I thought you'd catch me. Who else could it be?" Maybe one of the other boys, admittedly. He spends almost as much time with the others as with Jungkook, if not quite as much. At least the suggestion it might be one of them made more sense than some mysterious girl.

"Well, when you said it wasn't one of the others, I thought — I don't know! Like, you can obviously meet girls in class. Or like, a cute barista at one of the coffee shops you go to, or something. It happens all the time in dramas," Jungkook remarks, wrinkling his nose. His experiences with dating aren't very broad, and even what he knows through his friends is limited, leaving him with mostly fiction to work off of — and he knows that fiction isn't the most reliable source for how life works, even if it makes for some fun daydreaming at times.

Jungkook purses his lips, leveling Yoongi with an extended look. "Even if it seems obvious in retrospect, seriously, what else was I supposed to think at the time?" he chuckles. "I don't have enough of an ego to think that it could've been me. Especially since we clearly started off friends and all. I was feeling bad enough for developing feelings for a friend in the first place."

Yoongi bites back another laugh at the mental image of himself, lovesick over some girl he only ever saw in a coffee shop. It's not impossible. It does happen in dramas and he's sure it happens in real life sometimes, too. It just isn't very him. Still, he gets it. Anything seems more likely than requited love when you're in the midst of pining.

Which is exactly what they were doing, pining, like a pair of idiots. The whole thing is funny to him now, but at the time, it was utter agony.

"I wish we hadn't had to feel like that," he says, "but I'm glad that we're friends first." No matter how close he is to the others, he already thought of Jungkook as his best friend, and dating hasn't changed that. It's reassuring to know he loves someone who has his back and loves him just as he is. He pulls a face then. "Every now and then, I wondered if I had any hope at all. And then I felt bad for even thinking it. Like I was lying to you."

Jungkook nods slowly, thinking back to his own emotions around that time. There's probably a lot of overlap in what they experienced, he thinks — a needless amount of shame and fear that was a constant undercurrent in their friendship. He squeezes Yoongi's hand for a moment, glancing to either side to make sure that they're still heading in the right direction, and that passersby aren't so close that they'd be able to eavesdrop.

"Yeah, when I realized that I was falling for you, it made... everything complicated. Like every time we were hanging out and I didn't tell you how I felt, it was — I don't know — me being misleading, or using you, or... honestly, I still think about it sometimes. If I should have spoken up sooner, or if it's okay in a situation like that to not say anything. Say, if you didn't like me back," Jungkook says, glancing over and meeting Yoongi's gaze, his lips pursed in thought. "If I knew for sure that you didn't like me back. Would it still be okay for me to try and spend so much time with you? Is that dishonest?"

Yoongi opens his mouth to protest, then shrugs. "I don't think so," he says. "As long as it wasn't a scheme to coerce someone into something they didn't actually want." Had it been him, of course, he would have said differently, that his attempts to stay friends were fake and cruel. But in general, that isn't what he thinks, and he can't imagine that he wouldn't have wanted to be Jungkook's friend even if their feelings were different. They just fit together too well not to be close.

"But that never would have happened," he adds after a moment. "I can't imagine not falling in love with you." In any universe, in any lifetime, he feels certain, they must be drawn to each other. Maybe it's dumb, some kind of adolescent wishful thinking. Maybe it's just because all of this is still so new and exciting. Still, he means it. How could he, in any time, under any circumstances, know this boy and not love him? It doesn't make sense.

"I definitely wasn't trying to coerce you into anything," Jungkook says, nodding to himself as he listens to Yoongi's words, the logic holding well enough. "I really was happy just to spend time with you, and I didn't expect that things could ever... you know, go any further than friendship. And I was okay with that." Jungkook nods minutely to himself, his thoughts drifting a little further as he wonders about the others in their group, and the loves that weren't as seamlessly requited as their own.

He remembers sitting together with Hoseok in the dance studio, watching his hyung shed tears over Seokjin not feeling the same way. Listening, with his stomach twisting slightly, as Hoseok mentioned having some feelings for Yoongi as well.

Remembers the look in Taehyung's eyes as Namjoon began to retreat into his family life, the longing and pain of having one's loved one step away in a manner so concrete.

Would Jungkook eventually have fallen to the same level of pain? It's hard to know.

When he glances off to the side, the sight of Yoongi is enough to pull a smile back on Jungkook's face, his expression softening. "Of course, now I... yeah, I can't imagine any universe where we wouldn't have been drawn to one another."

Yoongi lifts Jungkook's hand, pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles, not caring for a moment who sees. It's so much easier just to let go in Busan, far from anyone who could get them in trouble. He always wants to do these things back home, and even if he's still cautious, it's nice to know he can give in once in a while without worrying too much.

"Even if we stayed friends," he says, "even if that's all that ever happened... I'd still just be happy to know you." It was torture to be so close to Jungkook and think he was so far away, but even that was better than not knowing him at all. It was the idea of losing that friendship that kept him quiet for so long. Even now, if anything happened between them, if this all fell apart somehow, he knows he'd still want to be friends, no matter how hard it would be. In all the ways they're the same and all the ways they're so different, Jungkook complements and completes him.

"Aish..." Jungkook whines, shaking his head even as his face flushes from the words and the kiss alike. He scratches at his nose with an embarrassed expression, looking briefly away as he licks his lips. "That's so cheesy, Min-ah. Where did you learn to be so romantic?"

It's a sentiment that Jungkook knows that he'd echo in its entirety. That if all that he had with Yoongi was friendship, he'd still be happier having known Yoongi, having spent time with Yoongi, forging a bond with him that can't be matched by anyone else. Still, hearing it from Yoongi is comforting in its way — to know that Yoongi appreciates Jungkook for more than whatever physical pull they feel towards one another. That their love really extends to the entirety of who they are.

"I know what you mean, though. My life became so much... brighter once you were in it," Jungkook muses. "And that started before my crush escalated."

"And I'm the romantic one," Yoongi says wryly. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. As far as he's concerned, he's only being honest. They wouldn't work as well as they do, he thinks, if they weren't also such good friends. In a way, that's one of the biggest reliefs in being together now — not having to hide something as big as his feelings from someone who matters to him so much. That Jungkook felt the same way isn't surprising, in retrospect, but it's nice to hear.

Because he could say the same about Jungkook and how much joy he's brought into Yoongi's life. It was his friendships that saved him, these last few years, when he was heartbroken and grieving, and Jungkook pulled him that much further out of the dark. It's always going to be strange to him, though, that that's the case — that Jungkook came into his life after his mother left it, that they'll never know each other.

"I could say the same about you. How much you brighten things. But I wouldn't want to be so cheesy."

"Is that cheesy? I think it's just being honest. I was so shy before I met all of you," Jungkook recalls, falling quiet as he reflects upon those early days. It must have started after his father's death, Jungkook thinks. With his father gone, with his home life so much more somber, Jungkook began to carry that mood into the rest of his life. He tried not to intrude. Tried not to be trouble to anyone. But shyness wasn't exactly considered a virtue for boys of his age — if anything, it made him the target of bullying, made some of his peers assume cowardice on his part.

It wasn't until he met the others and became the recipients of their warmth that Jungkook remembers coming out of his shell. They never pressured him into speaking when he didn't have the words. Never forced him to do something he was uncomfortable with.

They accepted him as he was, and saw the potential in what he could become, perhaps no one more so than Yoongi.

"You remember, right? I think in the beginning, I basically kept bowing at the waist whenever I came across any of you. I don't know how you saw that and decided you wanted me around," Jungkook laughs.

"It was cute," Yoongi protests, echoing his laugh. "I never felt so respected in my life." It seems like such a long time ago now, but he remembers it distantly, the obsequious uncertainty that surrounded Jungkook, the constant respect for his elders. It was a relief when he began to relax; nothing about the group of them ever seemed to lend itself to being taken very seriously anyway. Still, Yoongi recalls finding the novelty charming, perhaps because it never seemed false or forced. There's something so genuine about Jungkook. It's a trait Yoongi adores. He shields so much himself, it's a wonder to him to see how thoroughly Jungkook wears his heart on his sleeve.

Yoongi shakes his head at him, fond. "Besides, who am I to talk? I barely say two words if I can help it." It's different with the group of them. He can chatter on as readily as Hoseok or Seokjin if he chooses to. He just rarely feels comfortable enough or wanted enough to do so beyond the confines of their safe little circle.

"I'm pretty sure the first time I bowed like that to Taehyungie hyung, he took like... ten steps back," Jungkook recalls fondly, shaking his head to himself. "I'm not sure he ever wanted to feel that kind of respect. But for me, it was like — it was obvious that I had to be respectful. You were all my seonbaes. I don't think most first year students got to hold conversations with their seonbaes, let alone hang out with them. I was so convinced that you were going to figure out that having a kid around wasn't all it was cracked up to be, or you were going to turn me into some kind of errand boy, but it never happened."

If anything, Jungkook thinks to himself, his hyungs seem more eager to help Jungkook out and do favors for him than ever ask to receive such services themselves. Even now, when he takes a step back to think about it, Jungkook isn't sure what he's done to deserve such care and devotion.

He's just your average kid.

"And you're different, Min-ah," he adds, wrinkling his nose. "Yeah, you don't talk as much, but it's not because you're afraid to talk or anything. You make the most of your words. Your words are more precious for that reason, honestly."

Yoongi thinks back to those early days, to what it was like when Jungkook was just some cute kid following them around. He's sure Taehyung and Jimin took to Jungkook faster than he did, though maybe that was an age thing. Still, he doesn't remember minding or being annoyed by it. If anything, it was flattering. Yoongi was more accustomed to people pitying him or even being afraid he might take a swing at them. The admiration Jungkook directed their way early on, sunny and ready to please, was so different. He never quite understood what they'd done to deserve that, just an ordinary bunch of hooligans, but it never bothered him.

In that way, he supposes, Jungkook has always made him feel lucky.

"Are they?" he asks, amused by the idea that there might be something special about what he has to say. But then, he finds so much of what Jungkook says important and charming out of nothing more than simple affection; maybe to Jungkook, what Yoongi has to say matters more for that same reason. "You know I never minded you hanging around, right?"

"Nothing you say goes to waste," Jungkook points out. He has an appreciation for people who are able to pull words out of thin air without even thinking about it — Taehyung comes to mind, Seokjin isn't bad at it either — but as someone who feels more often than not clumsy with his own words, Jungkook finds that he has a much deeper respect for those who are able to make every word count. Even in their relationship, occasionally Jungkook takes a moment to marvel at how well-spoken Yoongi is. He doesn't run off at the mouth like Jungkook does around those he's comfortable with — but he also doesn't hesitate to speak up when it's needed.

Both are areas where Jungkook feels that he continues to struggle.

"Instead, people have to pay attention, because if they don't, they're definitely going to miss out on something important you've got to say," Jungkook continues, kneading the center of Yoongi's palm with a thumb. He glances over to meet Yoongi's gaze, then grins. "You sure you never minded having me hang around, though? I was pretty convinced that you thought I was a nuisance at the very beginning."

It's an interesting way to put it and Yoongi turns the thought over in his mind. He doesn't think much of what he says really is all that important, but the idea that people might listen a little closer is an oddly comforting one. When, in his darker moments, he feels so much on the outside of things, it's nice to imagine his words, his thoughts, being so valued. It's nice to know that's true for Jungkook, at the least, and probably the others. As long as that's the case, he doesn't care so much about the rest of the world listening closely.

"Okay, maybe a little," he admits. "But not so much I wanted you to leave. I just..." He shrugs. "Need space." For all that he does better, sleeps better, with Jungkook in his bad, and as much as he clings to his hand now, luxuriating in the gentle touch, the fact remains that Yoongi still needs room to himself. Even if they're in the same room, he has to have some space to breathe or he grows brittle and agitated and snappish. As flattering as Jungkook's attention was and still is, in those early days, it could, at times, be a bit much. "So a little, but no more than the others."

The trick they've all had to learn is how much is too much and when he needs someone to step into his personal bubble anyway.

"I knew it!" Jungkook laughs, though he tries to keep himself in check, not wanting to come across as too boisterous, nor wanting to make Yoongi feel ashamed of his needs and preferences. It had taken Jungkook a fair amount of time before he really learned how to read Yoongi well. In the beginning, any sign of reluctance was one that Jungkook read as him being irritating, or immature, or otherwise a person that others didn't want around; it was part of the reason why he had always been reticent about making friends, not wanting to push too much and only make enemies in the process. But over time, he started to realize that he wasn't the only one Yoongi often held at a distance. The other boys, even the ones Yoongi was ostensibly close to and had known for years, also sometimes created something of a berth around Yoongi.

It was as though Yoongi's bubble needed to be drawn a little larger than the others, and while Jungkook didn't immediately empathize, he at least felt like he better understood.

"I knew that you found me to be a little much," Jungkook emphasizes, licking his lips. "But, in all fairness... I probably was, back then. Whenever someone was nice, I just really wanted them to know that I was grateful, you know? And if someone didn't seem to like me... then I wanted to figure out what it was I was doing wrong, and. That wasn't the best combination."

That makes sense, Yoongi thinks, pieces slotting into place. Jungkook was never that difficult to read, but his mindset, especially then, is a different one from Yoongi's. As much as he cherishes the kindness of others, he has trouble responding and showing how thankful he is for it, afraid of being too much or making them rethink what they've done or offered. If people don't want him around, he might get annoyed, but he's not about to push in where he isn't wanted. It's such a different way of thinking. But then, maybe that's why people take to Jungkook more readily these days than they do to Yoongi.

"You're enthusiastic," he says, shrugging. "I like that. I'm just... not. But that's why I like it, I guess. The way you see the world." It makes Yoongi look at things differently, too, gives him a perspective broader than his own. Maybe, back then, that lent itself to being something of a nuisance, but Yoongi doesn't think it bothered him any more in Jungkook than the others did. They all got on his nerves sometimes. Fuck, he loves them, but they still do. He's too fucking sensitive sometimes, his nerves too raw for company. "And in all fairness, I find the others to be much sometimes, too."

"You just show your enthusiasm in different ways, that's all," Jungkook argues with a small grin. He thinks of all the passion that Yoongi has for music, which Jungkook would argue is greater than the passions that any of the rest of them hold — perhaps with the exception of Hoseok and his dancing. It's not a passion that Yoongi will talk at length about, unprompted, but it shows nonetheless in the amount of time he spends on improving his craft, the joy that lights up in his eyes when he gets the chance to stop by a music shop and peruse their scores. "You don't need to yell about it to the world, you don't really need to like... talk about it or make it obvious. You're happy enough enjoying your passions on your own, and that's really cool too. It's probably cooler than running at the mouth about it."

Jungkook's eyes light up with a bit of mischief when Yoongi mentions how the others can be too much; he already has suspicions about who Yoongi might be referring to and in what contexts, but it doesn't stop him from wanting to hear it directly.

"Who's the most tiring, you think? Of our group?" he asks, quirking a brow.

"I like listening to you talk," Yoongi says, a note of protest in his tone, and takes a moment to consider the question. It's probably obvious who he finds to be the most exhausting, no matter how much he loves all of his brothers, but it's still something else to say it aloud. At least he knows he can trust Jungkook not to share the information, no matter how close they are, but it's still a little awkward.

Still, he's not going to refuse a direct question or lie. "All of you," he says wryly. "But probably Tae." He just has so much energy and so little focus. His mind goes a million miles a minute and Yoongi can never quite follow, and it's tiring and sometimes infuriating. He's irreverent in a way Yoongi doesn't entirely mind, except when it's directed at the things and people Yoongi loves. And yet, however much Taehyung has tired him or pissed him off, he wouldn't trade him for anyone.

"You'd better enjoy listening to me talk, given the fact that we're dating," Jungkook points out with a quirk of his brow. "My mom always tells me that people get chattier as they age, so... if I'm hard to handle now, then you'll really be in it thirty years from now." Daydreaming decades down the line might be a little much considering how short of a time they've been dating for, but Jungkook doesn't see enough reason to refrain, sidling up a little closer to Yoongi as he lets his mind wander again to how Yoongi will look in thirty years, no doubt distinguished, probably with a few very specifically-placed wrinkles.

The mention of Taehyung only makes Jungkook laugh more, giving Yoongi's hand a squeeze. It doesn't surprise Jungkook that Yoongi points Taehyung out as the most exhausting of their crew. He's certainly the one most prone to flights of fancy and whim, which is basically the opposite of Yoongi, who likes to plan ahead and assess his options.

"Ah, Taehyungie hyung... you know, he's the one I wanted to be like most in the beginning," Jungkook remarks, raising his shoulders slightly in almost a shrug. "Probably half the reason why I was able to open up to you guys at all. But I can see why you find him tiring. I like his energy, though. He's really fun to goof around with."

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